Well Fuck Me, Lindsay Lohan Correctly Guessed The Damn ‘Masked Singer’ Winner

Rule number 1: Never underestimate the powers of Miss LiLo.

Rule number 2: Never fucking betray rule number 1.

Let’s get the obvious out of the way – Cody Simpson did, in fact, win as robot. Rob Mills was, in fact, wolf. Gorgi Coghlan was, in fact, monster. Songs were sung. Claps were had.

NOW, let’s move on to the main event: Lindsay being the baddest bitch to have ever existed in the game.

After being doubted the entire season, Miss Cady proved the incessant haters wrong by correctly guessing the ‘Masked Singer’ winner, thereby affirming why no one should ever sleep on her. We love a Cinderella story.

There was also this fucking wild moment where Lindsay guessed it was Cody, who’d dated her sister, and threatened him by saying she paid for all his furniture and that she wanted it back. I’m confused, but I like it.

I could talk about a whole heap of aspects from tonight’s finale, like Jackie O demonstrating a rather impressive track record for correct guesses, Hughesy obviously being the most clueless one there or Rob Mills being a certifiable snacc (or “stud muffin” according to my LiLo, the speaker of truth), but tonight shall remain a strict loving ode to the queen we don’t deserve, Queen Mykonos. Let’s party.


There have been some turbulent rumours about whether she’ll return for the confirmed second season but, as of right now, it looks like she *checks notes* will be. Here’s to hoping she applies for permanent residency.

As per usual, stream ‘Xanax’ for clear skin. Deuces.