The Best Short Film Oscar Should’ve Gone To This Deeply Awk Vid Of Lady Gaga & Caitlyn Jenner

Hello LGBTQIA+ community. The rest of the world may be deep in the discourse trenches over The Slap (soon to be a 7-part ABC miniseries drama). But there was another equally awkward Oscars moment overlooked in the chaos: Lady Gaga telling Caitlyn Jenner she “switched baristas”.

Is there anything better than watching an incredibly uncomfortable interaction between two famous people? The palpable tension, the feigned politeness, the acute awareness that you’re being filmed? Bellissima.

The Oscars provided yesterday thanks to BBC journalist Bahman Kalbasi.

Kalbasi tweeted a video he took of Gaga and Jenner interacting at Elton John’s Academy Awards viewing party.

“Couldn’t make out what Caitlyn Jenner was saying to Lady Gaga … but Gaga seemed rather formal with her,” he wrote.

He then tweeted a subtitled follow-up and my word. It is glorious.

This is the famous person version of running into that person you went on a single Tinder date with at Woolies on a hungover Tuesday morning.

“Are you still spending in time in Malibu?” Caitlyn Jenner asked.

“Yes!” replied Lady Gaga with the enthusiasm and cadence of a recently trodden on chihuahua.

“Are you still out there?” Jenner asked again.

Lady Gaga replied in the affirmative, somehow injecting a second “e” sound into the word “yes”.

Then came the piece de resistance of the conversation. Caitlyn uttered a simply incredible phrase: “I haven’t seen you at the Starbucks in a while.”

So many things about this boggle me. The implication that incredibly wealthy people choose to drink Starbucks? Once again proof that American coffee is the devil.

There is clearly a strong market for an Inner West Sydney-style cafe in Malibu. Forget Starbucks. I want to hear about Lady Gaga being served coffee by a tattooed man who dropped out of his USyd commerce degree to take up slam poetry and get into artisanal beans.

The fact that Lady Gaga, Caitlyn Jenner and presumably other celebrities (!!!) all visit the same chain coffee establishment is truly wild. Do they tip? Do they order off the Starbucks secret menu I’ve heard so much about? Do they not have personal chefs?

Caitlyn’s statement was exactly what I want from a celebrity: mundane, awkward, proof that social interaction post-pandemic is a nightmare for all.

But even better was Lady Gaga’s response. A quote that will enter every gay person’s lexicon and hold permanent residence.

“I…I…I’ve switched baristas,” she replied with a conciliatory shrug.

Truly impeccable social interaction there. I loved every second and so did the people who live in my computer.

I can’t wait until the day I can awkwardly smile and tell someone “I’ve switched baristas”. Plus you can easily substitute “barista” for any place you regularly frequent. “I’ve switched Oporto/under-the-counter-vape-selling corner shop/Woolworths metro” all work equally well, IMO.

Lady Gaga and Caitlyn Jenner both deserve Oscars (and an iced long black) for this.