Kim K Is Tweeting Some Deeply Loose Updates From Her Wild Mexico Trip

Let me pull back the curtain here a little bit. People are always asking us “Why do you write about all that Kardashian shit when I don’t care about it?“, and it’s actually quite a straightforward question to answer. Firstly, because not everything on the internet is made specifically for you, and it’s really weird to assume that all content produced is going to cater to exactly your interests.

Secondly (and arguably most importantly), it’s because her life is actually pretty interesting. There’s a reason she has 51,000,000 Twitter followers and you only have 37 – people want to know what she’s doing (and also your jokes are kinda hack, sorry).

 While you’re busy tweeting about how Trump is a baby (which, I mean, he is) or how Radiohead‘s early stuff was better, Kim Kardashian is out there tweeting insane shit about a holiday she took with ~the girls~ in Mexico.

So I’m gonna give u guys a play by play of the trip so far…

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017

How insane could the shit be, you ask? Very, it turns out:

. @kourtneykardash threw up in her bed 4 times and slept in it

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017

It turns out celebrities are just like me. I mean us. Celebrities are just like us.

. @sarahrhoward tweaked her neck twerking (I will snap chat videos soon)

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017

Please at all times remember to practice proper twerk safety, a twerk gone wrong could ruin your entire holiday.

. @jenatkinhair spiked my Oreo shake to try to get me to not eat it because she’s fat shaming me

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017

That’s…. well, sure, whatever.

. Nicole Reda had a 10 min black out & tried to fight @steph_shep

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017

What’s becoming very evident is that these people do not fuck around.

. @BrittGastineau skinny dipped solo and then disappeared for the two days

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017

I sure hope Brittny Gastineau has been found because that 100% sounds like a shark attack.

. @larsapippen tried to give me a “special” brownie and I threatened to sue her & the chef

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017

Actually, the proper etiquette when someone gives you free drugs is to say “Thank you“, not to threaten litigation.

. @HrushAchemyan gives free twerk lessons 247

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017

This seems more like an ad than anything else, but definitely keep it in mind if you are suddenly struck by the urge to learn how to twerk good at 2:30am on a Tuesday morning.

. @jOYCEBONELLi put nipple clamps on @ForeverMalika

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017

Frankly, I’m happy for both parties involved.

. @ForeverMalika @ForeverKhadijah All I will say is…2 twins 1 jet ski

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017

I have no idea what the fuck this could mean and I am not going to try and find out.

Oh and @kourtneykardash won’t stop doing naked cart wheels

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017

Can’t or won’t? 

The pictures and video very much make it seem like every bachelorette party you’ve ever seen going ham at a bar at midnight:

Currently pic.twitter.com/wYKCX08N5k

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017

. @sarahrhoward clearly didn’t get twerk lessons from @HrushAchemyan pic.twitter.com/J8in3fFM4w

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017

And what was Kim up to?

Oh and as for me you ask? …I’m just sitting here on the beach with my flawless body

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017

Highly relatable.

Last but not least, there’s whatever this is:

??mood ??#FuckYouJenAtkin pic.twitter.com/fR5AFAvyAe

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2017

I sincerely hope you are having as lovely a week as Kim appears to be having.