If any of my bosses are reading this, it counts as a doctor’s note: I cannot perform any further work for the day, and probably the week, because I have become immovably stuck – dead in my tracks – by this image of Jonah Hill caught in the milliseconds between dropping his coffee and it hitting the ground.
It has cast a spell over me.
I am transfixed.
I have got the googly cartoon hypnotised eyes over this photo.
It has sent me on a journey from which I shall never return.
Look at it. Look!
The photo-in-question was posted to Reddit a few short days ago, and it has thoroughly upended my life.
I do not know when he dropped the coffee. Nor do I know where it happened. But that photo exists and proves, definitively, that it did really happen and it is a moment that I must know on a deep and spiritual level.
How in the living fuck has whoever-took-that managed to capture the moment after the coffee started dropping, but before Jonah Hill realises he’s about to lose $4.30 worth of the bean?
This fraction of second represents the last possible moment that Jonah Hill thought he had a full cup of Joe, ready to drink, and not a wasted brown mess that probably did some damage to his shoes as well.
There’s no care in his face. No worry. No fear. Nothing to suggest he was expecting an imminent coffo spillage was in his future. Even the way he holds the cup – on top, clawing the lid, like an idiot – exudes a certain cero miedo about him.
The man has a lung lolly in one hand, a thumping great mug of the good stuff in the other, and god knows what pumping through the ole’ AirPods.
And then the coffee drops, and that’s the thing he likely remembers most about his day.
Truly powerful stuff.
I am now, and forevermore, changed.