This is, without a doubt, both the purest and somehow the smuttiest story I’ve ever had the pleasure of writing.
Somehow, there still exists some people in this world who have never read Harry Potter. They wear it as a bit of a badge of honour, but as this point they’re just missing out.
Anyway. One of these special humans was reading the series for the first time, and after successfully making his way through the first four books, accidentally read a cliche-ridden fanfiction instead of Harry Potter And The Order of the Phoenix. And he had absolutely no idea.
His friend, Twitter user Shelley Zhang, was the unfortunate and/or lucky one to break the news to him. And she has blessed us all with screenshots of their conversation, so we can witness their dawning realisation in real time.
“Friend is reading Harry Potter for the first time,” she tweeted. “He suddenly realises he’s read a fanfiction ‘Order of the Phoenix’ instead of the real one.”
After Shelley’s tweet went viral, she posted more screenshots of their conversation.
I had to burst his bubble about Ginny and Draco, unfortunately. pic.twitter.com/DKKdC5jdA4
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 10, 2017
A handy guide to recognizing fanfic: Lots of sex=probably fanfic. pic.twitter.com/HiWkfWboGa
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 11, 2017
I think this is the point when he started having a breakdown pic.twitter.com/ZGPJ9MBBLF
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 11, 2017
So in summary: this bloke’s normal ‘Harry Potter’ story morphed into a smut-filled tale of necrophilia, sex scenes and bikini pics, AND HE DIDN’T QUESTION IT.
Yes, hindsight is 20/20 pic.twitter.com/PNeime0Ceq
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 11, 2017
According to Shelly, her mate “said he thought he just had to get through it to see why everyone was praising the books so much.”
And in all fairness to him, there are a few very real details from the books that do not look out of place in fanfiction. Like, for example, the fact that it’s very heavily implied that Dumbledore‘s brother Aberforth did something inappropriate with a goat (like fuck it).
Some stuff that wasn’t quite true, but wasn’t…exactly not true? Also, LOL at Harry getting all muscled from running. Very detailed. pic.twitter.com/oJyqXO2tKS
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 11, 2017
And some of the Snape plot lines are totally legit. They just came a few books too early.
Nobody spoil what happens with Snape, ok? pic.twitter.com/y8IAfnEwO1
— Shelley Zhang (@shelzhang) July 11, 2017
We’ve reached out to Shelley to find out exactly which fanfiction her poor mate read, and will update as and when.
