I’ve had a hard week. Really hard, like character-building levels of hard. So what did I do? Put on High School Musical to escape the suffocating mundaneness of reality that creeps up and makes you wonder if life is worth living. You didn’t expect a High School Musical article to get this dark did you?
High School Musical is so far from my reality, that it offers me real escapism.
HSM: A young couple with their lives ahead of them finding love and adventure in high school.
Me: Can’t hold onto a guy for a month, stuck in a cycle of self loathing with a serious lack of purpose in life.
HSM: Fun musical numbers.
Me: Listening to Runaway by Kanye West for 10 hours straight, wondering why I am like this.
HSM: Wholesome family fun.
Me: The last guy I slept with is in on trial for attempted murder.
High School Musical is a hell of a drug, and it usually kicks in to full effect halfway through the first ballad “The Start of Something New” – hook it to my veins.
The film came out when I was 13. I had just discovered David Lynch and weed, and naturally I was convinced that I was the coolest chick ever. I was babysitting these bratty twins down the road for an incredibly modest $20 the night it premiered on the Disney Channel and they insisted on watching it. Me? I pretended I wasn’t watching it from the kitchen bench while I ate their pizza crusts. I knew deep down that I loved it, but I hated myself for it – it didn’t fit in with my new cool girl persona. I told my friends (and myself) that the bratty twins essentially Clockwork-Oranged me into watching it, and I vowed to never watch it again.
I haven’t grown up much since that time. I still live in the same house, so do the twins. But I have given myself permission to watch and enjoy HSM. I like to call it being a little kinder to myself, and that’s real progress in life if you ask me (not High School Musical 2, I’m not a fucking psycho). To take a bit of David Lynch’s advice – every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Yesterday, watching High School Musical was it.
The only problem being, I’ve been dumped a few times now, and the more I watch HSM, the less I’m being lost in the fantasy. Last night as I once again put myself in the middle of the trials and tribulations of the students of East High, I couldn’t help but notice my tolerance was building up, and the HSM drug was no longer having the same effect on me.
Instead, all that remains are questions, questions that had never occurred to me before, but now they are staring me in the face the way Dale Cooper would if he suspected you of murdering Laura Palmer, and I really, really need them answered.
1. Why are the championships so early in the school year?
WHOA, Troy and the Wildcats JUST got back from Xmas/ NY holidays and the grand final is on already? Don’t they need to play a tonne of games to get to the grand final? A “round robin” sort of deal? We don’t see them versing one other team!?
There’s not even a montage of them winning or anything. I know January is the middle of the US school year but it still seems early in the calendar to be having Championships. Don’t believe me? Peep that large gold trophy!
2. Why does Miss Darbus keep saying “musicale” instead of “musical”?
Admittedly this question has always been at the forefront of my mind when it comes to High School Musical, but I’m losing my patience with it. Everyone else in the movie says ‘musical’ normally. She doesn’t say it once or twice for dramatic effect, according to scripts.com and Miss Darbus says ‘musicale’ 6 times during the movies 98 min run time (not as much as I thought, but..) 100% of the time she says it with an E on the end.
3. Why is there a mechanic in the middle of the school?
I’m unable to find a still, but it happens when Troy is running from his basketball practice to meet Gabrielle to practice for the musicale audition. Troy takes a shortcut through the school but seems to run right through a mechanic garage. It’s a bit of a blink and you’ll miss it situation but that doesn’t mean they can get away with it, not after my week.
Why is there a mechanic in the middle of the school? How does the school afford a mechanic? Is mechanics a subject at the school? I had a bit of a ponder at this one and remembered that there is a mechanic at the high school in Grease. Its where they sing Grease lightning, so considering that, is this an American thing? If not, why have they shown it? Was this even necessary? Is there a deeper meaning? What would David Lynch say? Too many questions? No? Yes? Moving on…
4. Is the opera singer actually that bad?
Fuck, I thought she did a pretty good job. Like for a high schooler. I think she showed a lot of promise with the right coaching. I asked my theatre friend, and she agreed. Miss Darbus was a bit hard on her, Kelsi was too. I hope her character is ok now, it’s been a rough 13 years for the best of us.
5. Who plays the baking basketballer?
This one hit me like a tonne of bricks last night. Remember Zeke? He was one of the more complex characters, the Wildcats team member who loved baking and Sharpay. What a gorgeous face. What is he doing with his life? Surely he is still acting, this truly is a leading man AND a good actor, I totally believe he loves creme brulee. He can blow my torch anytime (as an adult, of course).
6. Isn’t all of this pretty ideal timing?
So, hang on just a sec. The whole premise of High School Musical is Troy having to choose between basketball and the musical as he wont have time for both, thus beginning his inner battle of having to choose who he is, and who he will become in life (this is the sort of hard hitting teenage content that paved the way for shows like Euphoria).
But if you think about it, he will have time for both? The basketball season literally finishes as the musical auditions begin. Perfect right? Let’s remember Troy literally hasn’t even seen a script yet, there are many weeks of rehearsal ahead of him and his schedule is looking as clear as my weekends now that I’ve been dumped.
7. Was there ever a sexy R-rated spin off of these two? ‘Cause I’m keen.
I feel like the real story is here. These two were fucking for real.
Jesus, that was more therapeutic than I thought.