Law & Order: SVU‘s Chris Meloni has whipped out his birthday suit for a new ad and I’m not complaining, just confused about what does and doesn’t turn me on.
The commercial in question is for Tommie Cooper — a company that I had never heard of before this but now am likely to never forget — where Zaddy Meloni (has a nice ring to it, right?) wears nothing but socks to show off the sock wear range.
The certified zaddy wears nothing above the knee, truly slapping me in the face with not his appendage but the reality of how unfit I am compared to a man 30 years my senior.
It’s all very sexy, which I know because it starts off with Zaddy Meloni starkers in bed saying, “Hey. Come a little closer. I want you to experience the magic that’s underneath these sheets.”
Naughty! Suggestive!
“I’m gonna show you my giant … socks,” he continues. Oldest one in the book but I’ll allow it.
He then proceeds to go into the kitchen and prop his legs up on the bench like some sort of retired gymnast.
I regret to inform you that what I imagine to be his dick and balls are blurred our throughout the advertisement. Props to the team who suggested they put two eggs in front of where the testes might otherwise be, though.
Upon Zaddy Meloni putting the ad on his Instagram, which has over one million followers, people have collectively lost their shit.
Perhaps my favourite feedback? This comment from user Kelsey Michelle:
“Wreck me like four bald tires on black ice, daddy.”
As to be expected, there were a lot of Oliva Benson memes.
Is this the first time Zaddy Meloni has gone nude in the public domain? No. He also did it for a Peloton ad last year and for Men’s Health magazine the year before that.
His ass has also been a topic of conversation in the past.
You have the right to remain horny.
