Chris Meloni Went Nude For The Cover Of Men’s Health & Said His Ass Is ‘Like A Venus Flytrap’

Since the start of his career, Christopher Meloni has been saving the world from heinous crimes, and one of the most heinous of all is the fact that there’s no magazine cover where he appears in the nude.

Welp, being the hero that he is, he’s remedied that with the latest issue of Men’s Health where he graces the cover completely starkers (granted there’s a bubble covering the below area, but the sentiment’s still there!).

And it’s not just a treat for the eyes, as he also chatted about a lot of important topics in the interview, including his return to the Law & Order franchise.

The bootylicious actor played Detective Elliot Stabler on Law & Order: SVU for 12 seasons between 1999 and 2011, before suddenly leaving at the end of season 12 without so much as a goodbye.

Now, he’s addressed why he left so suddenly and why he decided to return to SVU and start his own spinoff, Law & Order: Organised Crime.

“My thought was: Instead of 22 episodes, bring me back for nine episodes, or bring me back for 18 episodes,” Christopher Meloni told the publication.

“They literally came to me on a Thursday night and said, ‘This is the deal. We want the answer by tomorrow. It’s our way or no way.’”

This didn’t sit right with Meloni, who said he responded with: “I don’t want to fuck around with you guys. This is what I want. If you can’t do it, that’s fine. Let’s figure out my exit.”

Christopher Meloni said the job is totally different this time around, which we love to hear.

“I’m not stressed by: Will it go well? Will it not go well? Not that I know how it’s going to go,” he said. “Just that, eh, just ride. Just do, just be.”

He also discussed maintaining his stellar physique that has since become a beloved topic online.

“[Exercise is] therapy, church, meditation, and a kind of personal reengagement where the brain and the body get to talk to one another,” he told the Health mag.

This part, in particular, where he discusses his beloved booty has absolutely ended me:

While we look out over the Hudson and Meloni eats peanut butter, we talk about the flow state—how sometimes, like right now for him, you hit all the green lights. When I tell him I’ve been killing flies with incredible accuracy lately, he says, “I catch flies with my ass cheeks, like a Venus flytrap.” He giggles wildly. “I’m clever with my ass cheeks!” he says, cackling. Moments later, a fly lands on the table. Meloni raises his hands. There’s a clap, then silence, and Meloni is smiling, once again looking down at a dead body.

Head here to read the rest of the interview with Christopher Meloni (and to suss out more stunning shots) via Men’s Health. What a blessing.