Cheers Mate: It’s The Australia Day Drinking Game

[DISCLAIMER: The following post will be of no interest to teetotalers, recovering alcoholics and those unfamiliar with Australia Day so please ignore.]

It’s Australia Day so why not turn your annual bout of binge drinking into a goal-oriented tournament among friends with the AUSTRALIA DAY DRINKING GAME.

First, allocate each player with a different substitute for the word ‘drunk’. Suggestions include: Pie-eyed, pickled, shitfaced, fuck-eyed, hammered, gourded, sauced, ploughed, blotto, legless, etc. Whatever each person is allocated is now their name for the duration of the game. This is entertaining, mainly because they all sound like names that come from Lord Of The Rings i.e. “Bring me a cider, Legless.” “Fetch me my beach towel, Ploughed.”

The rest of the rules are easy:

Take a drink:
If someone is wearing one of those helmets with two beers attached to the side. (Mainly because you’ll need a stiff drink to tolerate that guy.)
Whenever a song by an Australian band is announced on the Hottest 100.
If anyone is using a stubby-holder that is clearly at least 10 years old.
Whenever you see a male at the party with his nipples on display.
If anyone offers you an Australian Flag temporary tattoo.

Do a shot of cheap tequila:
If you see someone with one of the following (real) tattoos:

The words ‘Made In Australia’

A Southern Cross

The ‘Australian Made’ logo

‘Aussie Pride’

Scull a beer and face-punch…
Anyone who starts the Monarchy-Republic debate.
People with more than 1 Australian Flag attached to their vehicle.

Commence a waterfall: (one person starts drinking then person next to them starts then the next and so on)
During the entirety of Lana Del Rey’s “Video Games” whenever it is played.

Drop and knee and give a toast:
To the designated driver if they ever need to leave for more party needs.

Under no circumstances should you eat a dry Weet-Bix no matter how much money you are offered, and most importantly have a great day, look after your friends, and drink responsibly. Happy Australia day all!

*Song in no way related to Australia Day. It’s just a good one.