Picture this: it’s 2009, you’re wearing an ‘I Love Edward’ t-shirt under your school dress, you’re carrying Eclipse under your left arm and you’re listening to Paramore’s ‘Decode’ on your green iPod Nano. As you might have already guessed, that was me. I was obsessed with Twilight, just like every other tween at the time. I wanted to be Bella Swan, because who wouldn’t want a vampire and a werewolf fighting over you? Well, now at the ripe age of 23, I’ve realised Bella isn’t the heroin of the saga… she’s the villain.
If you’re on the right side of the TikTok algorithm, you’ve probably noticed there’s been a bit of a Twilight resurgence. Millennials and Gen Z adults, who once thought Twilight was the greatest film of all time (and arguably still is), have realised how absurd the entire film series is. So we’re now taking to Instagram, TikTok and even Facebook (because the films are old AF) to reflect on the chaos of the film, but also get that hit of nostalgia that we desperately crave.
This new movement is now colloquially known as: The Twilight Renaissance.
iD magazine recently published an article about the Twilight Renaissance on TikTok, describing the phenomenon as a cultural reset.
“Since the beginning of lockdown, the vampire series has been a cultural reset of sorts on TikTok, something nostalgic that people have returned to — for comfort and humour — in droves,” Emma Kershaw wrote.
I’ve jumped back on the bandwagon too and realised that the Twilight community… is my community. Quick shout out to the Twilight shitposting page on Facebook, which has single-handedly lifted me out of my lockdown depression. But the best thing about this renaissance, is that we’re all old and self-aware enough to view the franchise with a bit more of a critical lens. That also means realising that the whole saga is just a weird mormon fantasy concocted by a woman who just really needed to get laid.
Stephenie Meyer IS Bella Swan. It’s so blindingly obvious. The brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin… it’s all her. That’s part of the reason why Bella sucks. Not because Meyer sucks, but because she couldn’t add fault to a character that is so clearly based on herself. It means that Bella gets away with treating everyone around her like garbage, but because she’s just a sad ‘normal’ girl, it’s more acceptable.
I know why young girls love the franchise so much. It’s a story about an average-looking white woman, who does the bare minimum and yet everyone falls in love with her. But now it seems, die-hard fans have realised how awful she is, because Bella actually causes more drama than the intended villains of the film.
Bella is the biggest ‘pick me girl’ ever
A pick me girl is someone who makes being “not like the other girls” their entire personality and Bella does just that.
In any other teen drama, Bella would have zero airtime because all she does is mope around and look constipated. There’s a reason she wants to be a vampire so bad, and that’s so she can be ‘quirky’ and ‘different’.
Remember when she jumps off a cliff in New Moon, because she just wants to see Edward’s dumb hologram? Such pick me energy.
She created a love triangle for no reason
There was literally no reason for Bella to lead Jacob on like she did throughout the series. Her heart always belonged to Edward, so why the games with home-boy Jacob?
She claimed that Jacob was her best friend, but used him for emotional support when sparkly boy fucked off in the second film. Not cool.
Shut the fuck up Bella.
Charlie deserved better
As a member of the Team Charlie club, I have to say that he was wronged in so many ways. If I had a little ungrateful bitch for a daughter like Bella, I would catapult myself off this earth.
From the get-go Bella made it known that her dad was her absolute last priority. All he wanted to do was spend time with his daughter and all she could do was think about her stupid vampire boyfriend.
She also told him this zinger in the first film, which was completely uncalled for:
“Yeah, and you know if I don’t get out now, I’ll just be stuck here like mum.”
Whyyyyyy, Bella, why?????
Jessica also deserved better
Love or hate Anna Kendrick as an actress, but Jessica is a fucking icon!!! She was arguably the only one that could see through Bella’s BS, and would constantly roll her eyes at her behaviour.
Remember when Jessica’s crush, Mike Newton, was obsessed with Bella for no good reason and Jessica had to sit there like a stunned mullet? But instead of being petty, she took Bella under her wing and even helped her shop for a prom dress.
However, the worst thing Bella did to Jessica was in New Moon. Imagine leaving your friend stranded, while you hop on a strange 40-year-old man’s motorbike??? 1) that’s super dangerous and 2) that’s a really shitty thing to do to a ‘friend’.
Every major fight scene is always caused by Bella
The only reason the Cullens had to kill James in the first film was because of Bella. Then because they killed him, Victoria became their enemy in both New Moon and Eclipse.
ALSO, the generational pact between the Cullens and the Quileute tribe literally broke because bElLA wAnTeD tO bE a vAmPiRe sO bAd.
THEN because she gave birth to her weird CGI baby Renesme, the Volturi flew all the way from Italy (I’m assuming they took a plane, otherwise they would’ve had to walk across continents) to fight the Cullens.
Do you see how things would be better if Bella just straight up didn’t exist? It might be harsh, but if that mopey little bish didn’t exist, I think a lot of the characters would’ve been better off.
“You named my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?”
Do I need to say more? I mean all those other points aside, this line from Breaking Dawn Part II is the real reason that Bella is the villain of Twilight. Not even Aro from the Volturi would say something so cringe, he has more taste than that.
There’s a reason Supré never sold ‘I Love Bella’ t-shirts at its stores, and that’s because she sucks (pun unintended).Image: Getty Images / [Photographer name]