Our Collective ‘Bachelorette’ Sex Drives Peaked With Brad, Then Waned Thanks To Cape Fukboi

Well, we definitely met an… assortment of…. men in the Bachelorette Australia‘s first episode. We saw a self-proclaimed Mayor of Noosa, a firefighter with a puppy and then a showdown between said Mayor and puppy-loving firefighter.

No, I swear, I’m not making this shit up. Check out the re-cap below for the full tea.

Now that the formalities are out of the way, let’s dish on the Tweets…

Our gal Angie Kent instantly captivated the audience with her one-liners and incredible wit. We simply have no choice but to stan.

Then ol’ mate Kayde certainly left quite the impression with his Zac Efron illusion.

Here’s the thing – Kayde is definitely not a bad looking guy at all, and yes, some of the comparisons online have been nothing short of brutal, but you kind of bring it on yourself when you voluntarily bring up the supposed-Efron lookalike narrative… which, by the way, isn’t true. Sorry mate.

Then Jess swanned into the room with total arrogance, treated Angie with disrespect and literally left a sour taste in everyone’s mouths. Why is it that the most average men always have the most amount of confidence? It’s always the case. I’m so confused.

To be honest, I fucking loved Jamie‘s outburst. I don’t blame the guy – emotions would have been running high, it’s definitely an unfamiliar environment, and men are ALLOWED TO FUCKING CRY. OKAY?

Niranga gets MVP of the episode with his stellar one-liner about him obviously not being the brother. Legend. Can’t wait to see what he produces this season.

Now the brother twist was such a great idea, but we all unanimously agreed that the reveal was waaaaaaaaaay too soon.

(Yes, it’s a GIF repeat. Sue me. We love Greta.)


But wow, Brad was the most beautiful of the bunch IMO and it’s a real, real shame to see him leave so soon.


Catch you next ep. Hopefully Cape Fukboi™ departs and Brad comes back for every single episode ever.