Bachelor in Paradise Australia is FINALLY here and we can all agree on one thing: Tara is a blessing we do not deserve.
Every Friday night 💁♀️🥂 #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/4AC3vBVqul
— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) March 25, 2018
TARA YOU LEGEND HOW ARE YA MATE #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/LpkvlRIx2s
— Eleni Paneras (@EleniPaneras) March 25, 2018
The fan favourite from Matty J‘s season was the first to arrive, sweating absolute bullets and making friends with the cute bartender. [Side note: later in the episode, said bartender was seen writing a note to Tara. WHAT WAS IT? “Where to get booze after hours”?? Someone knows something.]
The next person to arrive was Michael, who Tara described as a “Ken Doll” (he is). “I’m Michael,” he said, walking down to greet her. “Michael,” she replied. “I’m so sweaty.”
Welcome to Paradise Tara! 😂 #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/6kUKyraeoz
— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) March 25, 2018
And it only got better. Later, it emerged that fellow paradise guests Florence and Jake had some kind of ~history~ on the outside. Flo explained it as, “People talk on Instagram, you meet and get smashed and things happen,” which is hope for anyone who’s ever slid into the ol’ DMs of a regulation hottie.
But, DRAMA ALERT! Jake’s bestest mate Davey also liked Flo. Davey and Flo were hitting it off earlier in the day, but out of respect for the bro code or some shit, Davey instead picked Leah for his first ever single date.
They shared an awkward pash, but it was largely uneventful. Meanwhile, Flo raged that she was “so embarrassed” that she’d somehow become keen on the two worst people in there, and was over the whole thing.
“I felt kind of sorry for Flo because she was really interested in Davey, then all of a sudden Davey us liking her, then he’s liking Leah… I don’t know, I think it’s just Davey being a player,” explained Lisa.
Still, the burgeoning romance was over in a flash – or, as Tara explained it:
“Literally, I went to boil the kettle, put on my two minute noodles, they were on their date, came back, finished my two minute noodles, they had hooked up and broken up straight away.”
Two. Minute. Noodles. The well-known unit of measurement when it comes to reality television relationships.
facts.
And today – Osher, mate, we have more things to talk about than your late 90s teen boy haircut.
You need to make Tara the official commentator this season. You need to PROTECT that girl AT ALL COSTS so we can continue letting her narrate the absolute shit-show going on around her. You need to get her on Channel 10‘s payroll. THIS IS NOT A SUGGESTION.
The people have spoken.
Dear Tara, your story about your two minute noodles had more interesting content than Davey and Leah’s date #bachelorinparadiseau
— Simone (@Sim_oneL) March 25, 2018
https://twitter.com/absilog/status/977839402255769600
Tara to commentate everything please #BachelorInParadiseAU
— TV WEEK (@TVWEEKmag) March 25, 2018
I need a ‘tara’ talk break down of this ep please #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/Dhu12FSPkW
— Zoe (@Lunaamikaelson) March 25, 2018
Omg bless Tara she needs to stay around PURELY for the commentary (and also to fall in love with Apollo) #BachelorInParadiseAU
— BuzzFeed Australia (@BuzzFeedOz) March 25, 2018
Tara: ‘By the time I’d finished my 2 minute noodles they were broken up’.
Watch out @oshergunsberg, Tara is shaping up as the best Bachie narrator of all time #BachelorInParadiseAU— Amber (@missrobinson) March 25, 2018
https://twitter.com/_imanna/status/977861520611729408
https://twitter.com/KateCoombes13/status/977861028934336513
I fully expect these changes to be implemented by the end of next week.
