An Analysis Of What Tea Will Be Spilled About Honey Badger On ‘Bachie In Paradise’

Honey Badger Nick Cummins

One thing we can all agree on: it was a controversial season of The Bachelor when Nick Cummins aka the Honey Badger was the man handing out the roses. While I’m happy to admit that, I’ll also admit I’m a bit of a Honey Badger sympathiser. While most of Australia heaped shit on Nick after he picked zero women in the finale episode, leaving Brittany Hockley and Sophie Tieman speechless, I stood up for him. My point was, why should he pick someone if he isn’t feeling it, a la Blake Garvey?

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Anyway, back to present time and although Badge has cut all ties to the Bachie franchise — literally escaping on a months-long jaunt around the Outback after the show aired — his legacy is still very much part of the reality show’s narrative. Especially because a whole host of hopefuls from his season of The Bachelor are set to appear on Bachelor In Paradise, and apparently they are all ready to spill piping hot tea about their experiences with Nick.

Last year’s contestants Cat Henesy and Vanessa Sunshine have already mouthed off to OK Magazine (according to the Daily Mail), with Cat calling him a “dud” and Vanessa saying that all the 2018 contestants had settled for “a shit Bachelor”.

Channel Ten have been teasing us with a trailer which shows Brooke Blurton telling her fellow 2018 contestants Cat, Cass Wood and Alisha Aitken-Radburn that she has some kind of ~secret~ to share about Badge. If you recall, the firm favourite to win the series and Nick’s heart left The Bachelor voluntarily towards the pointy end of the season, explaining that she was upset that Nick didn’t offer any reassurance of his feelings about her.

In the teaser, the girls are all SHOCKED by the revelation. So what is this huge bombshell she is set to drop in Paradise? Here at P.TV, we have a coupla strong theories going around. DISCLAIMER: Now just remember these are our THEORIES and I am in no way suggesting that they’re true. Please don’t sue me, Honey Badger! I’m on your side!

He wasn’t over his ex

Before being on The Bachelor, Nick was in a long-term relationship with Martine Strøm Thomassen, a Norwegian-born babetown who at one point lived in Australia with Nick during their five-year relationship.

The pair broke up in 2016, but appeared to be amicable, still following each other on social media and leaving up pics from when they were together. Even though they split 2 years before The Bachelor, it’s feasible that Nick could have still been hung up on Martine. What if she was the one who got away?


He was never going to pick anyone

Many people believe that Badge either chose to go (or was goaded into appearing) on the show just to boost his profile. While he was known to lots of Aussies beforehand, The Bachelor definitely brought him further into the public eye as his romantic exploits were beamed into our living rooms every week.

So one theory is that he wasn’t in it for the right reasons and led all of these women on with the endgame plan of never picking any of them. I find this theory a bit flawed, because by picking none of them he actually raised the ire of the entire country and it actually damaged his reputation, if anything.


He’s a homophobe

Brooke told Badge she was bisexual during the season, and he dealt with it very sensitively.

But what if off-camera he wasn’t cool with it and made anti-LGBTQI comments to her after she told him her “big secret”? I mean, many people in Australia are gigantic homophobes so it wouldn’t be unusual to find another one, but the more I think about it, the more I think this isn’t the secret. It’s funny to me imagining him going “Hey Brooke I hate the gays but pleeeasee don’t tell anyone!”. Because he didn’t seem like that much of a deadshit, and also homophobes tend to fly that flag proudly and loudly.


He’s got a tiny penis

Throughout history, scores of men have proven to be deeply obsessed with the size of their penis. They put all their masculine worth into that thing, and when their cock isn’t the size of a baby’s arm it’s the end of the world for some blokes. What if Honey Badger, despite his very confident and manly appearance, is embarrassed about the girth of his junk?

And Brooke is the kind of person who only likes men who are packing heat? She could hardly tell the camera that, so she made up some line about him not being expressive with his feelings instead and promised to take his tiny penis secret to the grave… or at least, to the first episode of Bachelor In Paradise Australia. Unfortunately, this is probably pretty unlikely since the guy is an underwear model, unless he’s tricking us all with a sock monster.


My conclusion is, the big secret is probably ex-girlfriend related and not something very saucy at all. But we can all live in hope for a homophobe with a micropenis, I guess.

Obsessed with Bachelor In Paradise? Make sure you hit up PEDESTRIAN.TV from April 9 to catch all our spicy recaps, just like we blessed you with last year