Hello, we are back for more Bach – featuring commentary from the internet. Final ten! Wow!
[jwplayer z25Jd4AY]
The pieces to camera are already heaps duller without The Bachelor villains, but their absence does seem to have an unexpected upside: Osher is back with date cards. Is this correlation? Causation? Coincidence?
The mean girls finally leave and @oshergunsberg return to the house to deliver date cards. Coincidence I THINK NOT #TheBachelorAU
— onlyhereforimacelebritytweets (@Jodie43678389) September 12, 2018
https://twitter.com/MrAdamMonaghan/status/1039809959016325120
Honey Badger decides to go on another date with Brittany, “a crackin’ sort” , who he takes to Wild Life Sydney in Darling Harbour via boat. There he gives all the koalas real ocker names like Stevo and Wayno, and the internet brought up the obvious: that koalas are notoriously horny, have chlamydia.
https://twitter.com/benpobjie/status/1039812903820357633
On this date, Britt gets to cuddle something fuzzy that probably has chlamydia.
But first she’s going to cuddle a koala #TheBachelorAU— Live Laugh Lauren (@laurenvedwards) September 12, 2018
Speaking of being notoriously horny, the overt sexuality of this date continues when Cummins makes Brittany hold a snake – which is a euphemism for his penis, obviously.
If you were just listening to this and not watching it…VERY different show. #thebachelorau
— Ira Snave (@IraSnave) September 12, 2018
https://twitter.com/dcsmith84/status/1039811490344198144
A big croc called Rocky gets a snack, Brittany gets a cuddle, they hang out near some wallabies drinking (AND NOT SHARING) their wine. And finally Cummins interrupts her trying to be vulnerable with a pash, says “You wouldn’t be on a second date if I wasn’t keen on ya,” and gives her a rose. “You’re a good egg“: a truly romantic sentence.
Pretty sure the croc just got the winners music #TheBachelorAU
— Dash Jayasuriya (@gameonmoll) September 12, 2018
https://twitter.com/sometimeseasame/status/1039813134263902208
Then all the ladies are gathered together to be interrogated by a man who seems intent on making them cry/tell him his secrets, rather than detect lies. He’s all about reading their body language, both while they’re alone with him and when they’re sidling up to Nick.
“Aren’t group dates meant to be fun?” Sophie asks. It’s a good question. But apparently they’re actually about getting to know each other and HB finding minor reasons to dump equally beautiful women, who woulda thunk it?
In it we get a little more spice about Cass’ previous dates with Nick: there were between three and five dates and they first met at a bar. The Lie Man says she’s heaps infatuated, and we all knew that already, but thank you, sir, for your insight.
Why vet the women BEFORE the show when you could do it ON the show #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/MCWVKmtsVS
— Danni (@danni_wanders) September 12, 2018
This all leads us to cocktail party where Cass tells Nick her feelings for the millionth time, and Brooke reveals that she has had relationships with women, and effectively considers herself pansexual. It’s The Bachelor though, and HB’s ego is fragile, so she assures him that she intends to end up with a man, so she can have kids? which is… fine.
https://twitter.com/Merryn_Porter/status/1039826585241567232
*Producer whispers from behind the camera*
“Make sure you say that you strictly want to be with a man because we’re not dealing with that right now okay “#TheBachelorAU— Sarah (@hellosarah__) September 12, 2018
Public opinion seems pretty split about this one.
First there’s the jokes/early predictions:
https://twitter.com/tamaracorine/status/1039810959571738624
Brooke’s going to reveal she’s bi or something and then we’ll pretend to be shocked like it’s not 2018 #TheBachelorAU
— Kiera (@UnderYourPorch) September 12, 2018
My friend’s prediction on Brooke’s big secret 😂😂😂 #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/jCaajZtrj8
— johngappi (@john_gappi) September 12, 2018
Some people aren’t so chuffed that Brooke couldn’t just come out as queer on The Bachelor; she had to reassure Cummins that she was ‘mostly into men’.
https://twitter.com/bloodyauspol/status/1039826905824878593
https://twitter.com/Ta1s1h0/status/1039825868527263744
AND we have to cap it all off with a “I want to be with a man, I want to have children”, because that’s got to be an element in every discussion of sexuality I want to end everything #TheBachelorAU
— sara (@sarawatchestuff) September 12, 2018
https://twitter.com/kiteflyer666/status/1039827010996985857
Me being excited Brooke is open to dating girls VS a minute later when she says she prefers men because she wants kids 🙄🙄🙄#TheBachelorAU
— Jessica (@Cupperzzz) September 12, 2018
“I’m not bisexual or a lesbian and I don’t want to be judged as such”. “I want to be with a male – I want kids.” So much to pull apart here. #TheBachelorAU
— Bachelor of Hearts Podcast 🌹 (@BOHpod) September 12, 2018
Hey Brooke you can still have children if you’re in a same-sex relationship. 🤔 #TheBachelorau #brooke
— Lauren Austin (@laurenaustin_) September 12, 2018
But some people are just excited:
https://twitter.com/livtosti/status/1039826872454897664
aw brooke’s description! a lover – not bisexual, a lesbian or straight, just capable of loving anyone. that’s exactly how I like to view myself. #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/LFhS3SFdqd
— alysha (@intoghostin) September 12, 2018
https://twitter.com/tahlia4204/status/1039826564798541825
Lots of people have pointed out that wow, it doesn’t matter, why was this teased as a big secret reveal?
Brooke: I’ve had two relationships with women
Most of the viewing public: ok cool, now what is your big secret?
Wait, you mean that’s all it was? #TheBachelorAU
— Kathy (@kathy_in_oz) September 12, 2018
Is anyone else aggressively uncomfortable with the portrayal of Brooke’s bisexuality as this big evil secret that could undo their relationship? Do the producers know that’s not how bisexuality works? #TheBachelorAU
— Bella Skelton (@bellaskelton) September 12, 2018
Uncomfortable? Why? She does know that 2 female Bachelor contestants hooked up after one series! #yawn #TheBachelorAU
— Lulu (@LyndalPotter) September 12, 2018
Brooke being bi has literally zero shock value. I thought she murdered her cat or is a descendant if a Greek goddess or something #TheBachelorAU
— Aliza (@AlizanotEliza) September 12, 2018
ROSE CEREMONY!! Deanna is donezo, an entirely unsurprising development considering her deadpan responses to the Lie Guy.
Until tomorrow, heartbreakers.