Hello, we are back for more Bach – featuring commentary from the internet. Final ten! Wow!

The pieces to camera are already heaps duller without The Bachelor villains, but their absence does seem to have an unexpected upside: Osher is back with date cards. Is this correlation? Causation? Coincidence?

Honey Badger decides to go on another date with Brittany, “a crackin’ sort” , who he takes to Wild Life Sydney in Darling Harbour via boat. There he gives all the koalas real ocker names like Stevo and Wayno, and the internet brought up the obvious: that koalas are notoriously horny, have chlamydia.

Speaking of being notoriously horny, the overt sexuality of this date continues when Cummins makes Brittany hold a snake – which is a euphemism for his penis, obviously.

A big croc called Rocky gets a snack, Brittany gets a cuddle, they hang out near some wallabies drinking (AND NOT SHARING) their wine. And finally Cummins interrupts her trying to be vulnerable with a pash, says “You wouldn’t be on a second date if I wasn’t keen on ya,” and gives her a rose. “You’re a good egg“: a truly romantic sentence.


Then all the ladies are gathered together to be interrogated by a man who seems intent on making them cry/tell him his secrets, rather than detect lies. He’s all about reading their body language, both while they’re alone with him and when they’re sidling up to Nick.

Aren’t group dates meant to be fun?Sophie asks. It’s a good question. But apparently they’re actually about getting to know each other and HB finding minor reasons to dump equally beautiful women, who woulda thunk it?

In it we get a little more spice about Cass’ previous dates with Nick: there were between three and five dates and they first met at a bar. The Lie Man says she’s heaps infatuated, and we all knew that already, but thank you, sir, for your insight.

This all leads us to cocktail party where Cass tells Nick her feelings for the millionth time, and Brooke reveals that she has had relationships with women, and effectively considers herself pansexual. It’s The Bachelor though, and HB’s ego is fragile, so she assures him that she intends to end up with a man, so she can have kids? which is… fine.

Public opinion seems pretty split about this one.

First there’s the jokes/early predictions:

Some people aren’t so chuffed that Brooke couldn’t just come out as queer on The Bachelor; she had to reassure Cummins that she was ‘mostly into men’.

But some people are just excited:

Lots of people have pointed out that wow, it doesn’t matter, why was this teased as a big secret reveal?

ROSE CEREMONY!! Deanna is donezo, an entirely unsurprising development considering her deadpan responses to the Lie Guy.

Until tomorrow, heartbreakers.

Image: Network Ten