It has literally been 84 years of waiting for 2020’s Bachelor In Paradise. I’m sorry, I don’t give a shit about Masterchef??? Give me washed up reality TV stars desperately trying to find love and/or Instagram fame??
I’m itching for this season to start, the gap between Married At First Sight and Bachie has been far too long, and frankly I’m still pissed Network Ten left me in lonely, loveless isolation without even some Bachie for me to vicariously live through. The height of rudeness.
But now, thank sweet baby reality TV Jesus, it all starts again 7.30pm tonight on Channel 10.
So if you need a last minute who’s who, here’s the current confirmed stars (who have either been officially confirmed or sneakily confirmed in ads).
1. Ciarran Stott
https://www.instagram.com/p/CBwe8bqhAbE/
Ciarran was from Angie Kent‘s season, and was a frontrunner to win her heart due to their insane chemistry. But near the end, Ciarran took Angie aside and tearfully told her he had to bow out of the show, as his grandma had passed away. It was HEARTBREAKING, you guys, and one of the reasons every human who watched The Bachelorette in 2019 has a massive crush on the guy.
As far as we can tell from trailers, Abbie pretty much came to Paradise to suss a vibe with Ciarran, so we’ll see if things kick off with them.
2. Timm Hanly
https://www.instagram.com/p/CAO2i33nsTR/
The other babetown from Angie Kent’s season, Timm was runner up – as in, he got his heart pulverised to smithereens by Angie on national TV, when she gently let him down in favour of Carlin Sterritt.
Again, the entirety of Australia has a crush on this guy – and the most recent trailer showed him and Brittany Hockley cosying up, so in my 2020 dreams they fall in love and become the first Bachie runner-ups couple in Australia. A perfect fantasy, no?
3. Helena Sauzier
https://www.instagram.com/p/CBhREBdgq4S/
I find anyone from before the previous year’s Bachelorette a murky memory, so to help you guys out if you feel the same – Helena was a top 3 finalist for Matt Agnew‘s Bachelor season in 2019. You might remember her from that batshit date where the producers made Matt take her through some sort of astrological timeline of his future, and she (naturally) freaked out (100% same) because, IDK, it was fucking intense.
She was very much a sort of beautiful ice princess on The Bachelor, but as we know from previous BIP seasons, often the more relaxed nature of the show means we actually get to know these people beyond the Bachie caricature. So who knows, she might be this hilarious party girl. We’ll see.
4. Abbie Chatfield
Someone you SURELY remember is Abbie Chatfield, the runner up on Matt Agnew’s Bachelor season and famous for being sexually confident and therefore riling up all the pearl-clutching Boomers of Australia.
Since Bachie, Abbie has really made a name for herself online – she’s outspoken but really on the money, nailing social commentary on issues like feminism, sexism and the portrayal of women in media. She also has a killer podcast, It’s A Lot, which has gone gangbusters.
Like I said before, trailers show her keen to chat with Ciarran, and honestly I can see it.
5. Brittany Hockley
Brittany was the runner up on The Honey Badger’s season of Bachelor in 2018. Well, kind of co-winner? IDK, basically that season was famous for Badge not choosing ANYONE, leaving both Britt and Sophie Tieman confused and frankly, pissed off. Again – 100% same.
I have so many thoughts and feelings about the Honey Badger season (why did this guy go on a show about finding love when he seemed very much like he wasn’t ready for love? Was it a good or bad thing he didn’t pick anyone? Can someone make Brooke Bachelorette please?) but mainly I found Brittany this really genuine person who seemed 100% there to explore a relationship with Honey Badge, a rarity in these shows as you guys I’m sure know.
Anyway, Britt also has a successful podcast, Life Uncut, with fellow Bachie alum Laura Byrne. So you might still be across her life somewhat. As I mentioned, the latest trailer shows her cosying up with Timm. Total opposites attract vibes, but that is the beauty of this show, right?
6. Jamie Doran
https://www.instagram.com/p/B7fkHMzJjk1/
Ohhhhh sweet Jamie. Sweet, stage 5 clinger Jamie. Basically the Jarrod Woodgate of Angie Kent’s Bachelorette season, Jamie was the guy who was always having intense convos with Angie in the freezing outdoor courtyard, and got just a bit TOO competitive with the whole thing.
But underneath it all he just seemed like a sweet, well-meaning guy who wasn’t super clued up on how to be chill. I actually hope so bad that Jamie finds love in Paradise, just like Jarrod did with Kiera.
7. Brittney Weldon
Brittney is doing round 2 of Bachelor In Paradise this year, after appearing on last year’s season and almost getting together with Ivan. You might remember her from the Honey Badger season, when she would show up to cocktail parties, get lit to death, and booty pop all over the place. She was a vibe, and she was a vibe last year on Paradise, too.
But from trailer clips, it looks like maybe we’re going to see Britt’s less OTT side, too. As someone who is found on any table at house parties, I feel this for her.
8. Mary Viturino
Mary was one of my faves from Matt Agnew’s Bachelor season. She didn’t really get much time with Matt, but was always shown as a face react to any batshit moment – because she just gave GREAT reacts. She was one of the funny/outspoken women that get shown for entertainment value but you never really get beyond that.
So here’s hoping in Bachelor In Paradise we get to know more about her, and that she isn’t booted in the first episode. Please, no.
9. Cassandra Mamone
Another background gal from Matt Agnew’s season, for some reason I thought Cassandra was a gymnast? Dancer? Kids party entertainer? Turns out she’s this super famous Aussie jeweller and makes REALLY nice stuff. Wowsers. I literally remember nothing about this woman, which probably means she’ll be a star in this season because we all remember how Paradise works.
10. Jessica Brody
https://www.instagram.com/p/CBmRGM-AAwi/
I remember even LESS about Jessica Brody, because she was one of the intruders who was swiftly booted by Matt Agnew last year. I always feel for the intruders – they get zero time with the Bachie and then it’s like, k bye.
But AGAIN, she’s extremely Instagram famous – she has 200k+ followers, which is massive. Wild. Anyway, Jess is seen pashing on with someone in a trailer, from memory it looked like Ciarran.
11. Jake Ellis
ROUND TWO, BABY. Well, round 3 technically. This will be Jake Ellis‘ second time in Paradise, third overall in the franchise after he first appeared in Georgia Love’s season. You may remember him for his on-and-off again relationship with fellow Bachie alum Megan Marx. GOOD TIMES. Did people call him Jake the Snake or am I just making that up? I genuinely don’t remember.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CBIFqBeFA-V/
12. Janey Birks
Janey Birks appeared way back in Richie Strahan‘s season. I don’t remember Janey at all, therefore I am moving right on.
13. Niranga Amarasinghe
Niranga Amarasinghe copped more airtime in ads for Angie’s season than he did in the actual season. But he seemed like such a top bloke. Very keen to see more of him. The aircraft engineer is also the co-founder of NA-Sri Lanka Outreach, a charity supporting those in need.
14. Kiera Maguire
Even though it’s kind of obvious Keira Maguire is in a relationship with Love Island’s Matthew Zukowski IRL, thereby spoiling her ending on Paradise 2020, I’m still keen as a bean to see her on TV again. Mostly because nobody fucks with Keira. She first appeared on Richie’s season of The Bachelor.
15. Renee Barrett (?????????)
Renee Barrett is Ciarran’s ex-girlfriend and I am 99.9% sure it’s her that Ten has been non-stop teasing in all the ads. She was an intruder on Matt Agnew’s season of The Bachelor. Also, her Instagram’s on private so I can’t even stalk her, but you can hear her voice and see the back of her head (?????) in this ad.
16. Glenn Smith
And the person I LEAST remember anything about? THIS GUY. Glenn, who I mistakenly thought was Jarrod in the first Bachelor In Paradise trailer, was the hot blonde guy in Angie Kent’s season who got quite literally 0.00001% of airtime, and when he did get airtime it was usually just him standing in the middle of someone else’s convo, like Timm going off at Jamie or whatever.
I even had to google my old stories and lol, guys.
I rest my case. Anyway, I sound like a broken record but the background Bachie folks ALWAYS end up the most interesting in Paradise, which is why it’s the BEST SHOW.
