Nick Cummins‘ season of The Bachelor ended with a bit of a disappointing whimper, and while we all promised ourselves we were done with this show forever, you know we’ll all be back for more, because we’re suckers for punishment. With that in mind, here’s a list of blokes (and one woman) who we think would be up to the task of breaking hearts and handing out roses in 2019:
Honey Badger’s absolute shitshow of a season may just have put us off Aussie men forever, so why not get an overseas Bachelor to spice things up a bit? Male model and lustrous hair-haver Thomas Perras, originally of The Bachelorette Canada, had a short but memorable stint on Bachelor In Paradise, including a steamy make-out session with Megan Marx in a lagoon. He says he likes Aussie girls because they are “beautiful”, “independent” and “very direct”, so why not make this happen?
The newly-single Dr Chris Brown has already been discussed as a potential Bachie candidate, but he shut those rumours down pretty fast – could that just be his way of throwing us all off the scent? He has a killer jawline and a heap of charisma AND he’s a vet, so imagine all the great puppy playdates and petting zoos he could take the girls to.
Apollo Jackson has a lot of strings to his bow – he’s an enormous unit, he’s a magician, he makes beautiful music straight from his heart and he’s the goddamn Tim Tam Genie. He’s already been on Sophie Monk‘s season of The Bachelorette and done a stint on Bachelor In Paradise but there’s always room in our hearts for a bit more Apollo.
Borobi has done fuck all with himself since the Gold Coast Commonwealth Games, so The Bachelor would be the perfect opportunity for him to build his brand, get his name out there again and maybe score a few sweet sponsorship deals on the ‘Gram. This sexy daddy bear looks damn good in a suit, too. Forget the honey badger, 2019 is the year of the koala.
I don’t really have that much to say about Davey Lloyd but he’s destined to end up being The Bachelor at some point, so why not just give him the job in 2019 and be done with it? You know he’d do better at all the romantic mushy stuff than Nick Cummins, and that handsome mug of his was just made for prime time viewing.
Retired AFL star Josh Gibson was single when he left I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, dashing rumours of a fling with co-star Simone Holtznagel by saying the two were just good friends. He says it’s never crossed his mind that he might be The Bachie, but I mean, they all say that. Plus he’s tall, easy on the eyes and can pull off a suit – definite pluses when it comes to this sort of thing.
After Badge, the show might not be so keen on another footy player, so why not think outside the box with an ex-politician? Wyatt Roy was Australia’s youngest ever federal MP, he was GQ magazine’s Politician of the Year (which I guess is a thing?), and now according to my Google stalking he works for some kind of slick artificial intelligence company. I have no idea if he’s single, but he has a cute dog, and sure, yeah, why not let him take a red hot crack at finding love on TV?
There are rumours that Channel Ten is cutting costs and may be looking to drop the axe on The Bachie or The Bachelorette next year, so why not get someone who can do both? Meghan Marx can be Australia’s first Bi-Chelor and can go on dates with men and women. That said, this show loves teasing same-sex hookups that disappointingly never pan out, so we can probably go ahead and assume this will never happen, ever.
Luke McLeod‘s Paradise ex called him a “douche bag”, but I mean, who isn’t? In THIS economy? C’mon. He’d probably make a good Bachelor for the same reasons as Davey. Enough said.
Whatever else you might want to say about him, Jarrod Woodgate is one of the most colourful characters to ever emerge from the Bachie franchise. The ex-army guy, who now works on his family’s vineyard, was labeled a ‘stage-five clinger’ for his attachment to Sophie Monk, but it was rough to watch him get his heart broken, and I just want things to work out for him, dammit. His recent breakup with Paradise ex Keira Maguire paves the way for him to come back, too.