Well bloody hell, the Australian Survivor premiere last night sure as shit wasn’t short on drama or spectacle.
The third season of the rebooted Australian version of the series is running on a Champions vs Contenders theme, with a tribe of “champions” from various fields and a tribe of “contenders” featuring ostensibly regular-ass folk.
[jwplayer jJoBfNnw]
While there are big units in abundance – as is Survivor tradition – the real intrigue this season comes from the inclusion of Russell Hantz – a US Survivor Hall of Famer and a man consistently rated as one of the greatest to ever play the game.
Already, Hantz – on the Champions tribe – has sniffed out an Immunity Idol without so much as a whiff of a clue, and has begun moving pieces into place far before anyone else on his tribe realises it (my dude is going to turn these idiots into butter and it’s going to rule).
But the real notable event from last night’s premiere was the immaculate self-implosion of Matt on the Contenders tribe.
A Traffic Cop by trade, Matt began pursuing delivery rider Steve‘s insanely inept and very not subtle attempts to track down the Contenders’ camp Immunity Idol with all the fervent, overwrought, low-level cop shit he’d normally exhibit when trying to slap a ticket on someone for doing 42 in a 40 zone.
Despite this, Steve’s general weirdness was enough to put him well and truly on the chopping block at the first Tribal Council of the season.
Then Matt started talking.
And talking.
And talking.
And talking.
That was some Tribal Council meltdown from Matt 😄 #SurvivorAU pic.twitter.com/7TDNmmf7Gs
— SurvivorAU (@Survivor_AU) August 1, 2018
Jesus christ dude, shut the fuck up.
This rant, it should be said, went down on day two of the competition. DAY TWO.
Everyone’s still struggling to remember each others names, and old mate is out here ranting on idiots like it’s seven weeks in and a tribal merge is happening tomorrow. Unreal stuff.
There’s a fair bit in the above video that was edited out, chiefly Matt’s galaxy brain tactic of painting all the women in his tribe with the same brush and openly assuming they’ve been doing nothing. A bold tactic. Truly brave stuff.
After getting summarily voted out, Matt even dropped one last barb while passing by the tribe’s six women, dropping a quiet “start playing, girls” to which he received one of the biggest burns in Survivor history.
Girl power 👊 #SurvivorAU pic.twitter.com/m1726M08Ta
— SurvivorAU (@Survivor_AU) August 1, 2018
Cop. That. Dickhead.
There’s a lesson in all of this for you: He who pig-headedly tries to play the hardest on Day 1 is really only shooting himself in the foot, and “being a sexist asshole” isn’t exactly a winning gameplan as far as Survivor – or anything else really – goes.
Australian Survivor continues tonight at 7:30pm on Channel Ten.
