We Are Pleased To Announce Australia’s Next ‘Bachelor’ Is A Hot Nerd

Channel 10 has revealed the first significant details of Australia‘s next Bachelor, confirming that… fuck, he actually kind of rules.

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Matt Agnew is not a former reality TV star, nor is he a slang-dropping athlete. He is a 31-year-old astrophysicist based in Melbourne, who is currently churning through a PhD at Swinburne University in a search for planetary systems similar to our own. That’s sick.

When he’s not actively using “numerical techniques to search for dynamically stable planet candidates in the habitable zones of all known multiple planet systems,” old mate enjoys footy, working out, and all of the trite partner-material stuff The Bachelor usually advocates. Still, astrophysics. Mad!

Speaking of regular Bachie pap, our dude Matt said appearing on the show “may be an unorthodox way to meet someone, but I think it’ll be a sensational experience and make for a cracking ‘how we met’ story!”

Yes, it would. But we are not discounting the possibility of Matt shacking up with some alien cutie after his research is used to identify an Earth-like planet in our near vicinity.

His enrolment represents a marked and welcome change from The Bachelor’s habit of recycling talent, but you’ll have to wait and see how this one pans out on the show. To keep yourself busy until then, you could just read his new paper, entitled Predicting multiple planet stability and habitable zone companions in the TESS era. 

Oh, one more thing: anyone who takes issue with our usage of the phrase “hot nerd” ought to do a Google Image search for “young Dr Karl. We’ll wait. As you will see, it is not an insult. “Hot nerd” is, perhaps, the highest honour that can be bestowed on a civilian. No pressure, Matt.