I speak for absolutely no one and I have very little prior evidence to back this assertion up, but: Armie Hammer might be a little bit bung in the head, y’all. Just a little bit wonky in the think factory. A bit loose in the wrong paddock. A wee bit topsy turvy in the brain box. A shade cuckoo in the scone. Got a few too many bats in the belfry, if you know what I mean.
Exhibit A in this particular trial, is this one minute twenty-six second video – eighty-six seconds all up – uploaded to YouTube by National Geographic, in which Armie Hammer sucks milk directly from a goat’s teat.
Bear Grylls is there, in the video, which goes some of the way to explaining why Armie is where he is and why he is suddenly overcome with the compulsion to pucker up and honk on a lady goat’s milk dick. In the grand scheme of the video, it’s a crucial piece of exposition.
But once you step beyond that – and you certainly won’t be lunging at that one – the fact remains that Armie Hammer, on camera, for the world to see, is in the following video sucking milk directly from a goat’s teat.
I cannot possibly state that any stronger.
There’s that then. You’ve seen that now. You can’t unsee it. You live in a world where you’ve seen Armie Hammer hoover goat’s milk direct from the fleshy source.
Hard to see how you just go about the rest of your day now, but I have faith in you.