17 Of The Realest Things People Said About Tonight’s Nutso ‘Bachie’ Premiere

By

Ben McLeay

Published

Remember when watching reality TV alone on a week night was a sad thing you did with your cat? Not anymore, thanks to social media, it’s a fun thing you do with your cat and also tens of thousands of strangers.
In a rudimentary form of distributed computing, a huge number of human brains are loosely networked via Twitter and set to the common task of dissecting every single moment of ‘The Bachelor‘ and turning it into something funny. It goes without saying, this system produces a lot of terrible unfunny takes. We are showing you the ones that aren’t those ones.
Before we even saw our contestants, we got some varyingly warm assessments of our host and bachelor, respectively:

Every single person’s introduction is awkward. Period. They either try to appear interesting and come off as a complete weirdo or try to act normal and appear insanely boring. You cannot win. Obviously, there are few better opportunities to ruthlessly mock people.

Is body paint an interesting hobby or a way of saying ‘I live in a van in Nimbin‘, it’s impossible to say.

Politics editor Mark Di Stefano with the political take:

The contestant who decided that a romantic staring competition was the way to go raised a few eyebrows:

Even more eyebrow-raising was Natalie’s extremely ~interesting~ assertion that she was formerly a lesbian, converted to straightness by the power of Matty J‘s rig:

This somewhat overshadowed the more harmless weirdness of the contestant who brought helium balloons:

Not starved for people with the inclination or wherewithal to make an insane entrance, we also saw arrival by cop car and arrival by fire twirling:

The latter of which, one contestant decided to label an ‘intruder’, despite the fact that this was the first episode:

Spare a thought for the poor woman, who will likely be making an awkward video for Barnaby Joyce in the near future:

After the introduction followed (naturally) the rest of the show, mocked primarily for the uniformity of its cast and its set design:

The first episode went from 0 to ‘Oh God, everyone is fighting’ in about 20 minutes, can’t wait to see what the rest of the series is like.
Photo: Channel 10.

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