The bussy is a glorious thing.
Despite this, many of us are too scared to try anal sex. In many ways it’s the final frontier of sexual liberation.
This terror of the anus can be attributed to a few common factors: an initially uncomfortable feeling, a fear of the unknown, poo panic or ye ole ‘no homo’ mentality (it still blows my mind that many straight dudes are scared to touch a part of their own body because they don’t want to seem gay but hey, you do you bro).
But let’s be real here – we’ve all either had anal sex, wanted to have anal sex or at least thought about it, so it’s something we definitely need to be talking about.
Besides, the Lord Almighty put a G-spot up there for a reason and, when done correctly, anal stimulation can open you up to a pleasurable world unknown.
So it’s time to break free from the shackles of fear, my friends, and give some much-deserved tender loving care to our beautiful bussies. It’s 2019, folks, and you deserve to get those dreams (and anuses) filled.
We spoke with Loc Nguyen, ACON Peer Education Officer, about how to best prepare our booty holes for seks. It’s a (w)hole lot – let’s dive in.
1. POO PANIC
Let me quickly get one thing out of the way – shit. Whether it be in preparation for anal, or during sex itself, a little poop is inevitable for the majority of us. I mean, this shouldn’t come as a surprise, given that the anal passage sees a whole lot of poop on the reg.
In many instances, the inserting partner can often be a little naive to this fact and, if they’re a douche, assume that they can stick it in without any preparation (AKA. top privilege).
Before the boom boom happens, it’s important for all partners to communicate with each other and be made aware of the fact that, well, shit happens.
2. MORE POO PANIC
Bottom anxiety is the fear of pooping yourself during steamy intercourse. The most common way to avoid shitting on a dick or sex toy is to douche prior to playtime.
How does it work? Well, the anal douche – which can be bought at any sex store – comes with a bulb and detachable nozzle.
Firstly, the bulb should be filled about half-way with room temperature water – this is important. “Water that is either too hot or cold,” Nguyen says, “can cause problems to your bowel and leave you feeling very uncomfortable.”
Both the nozzle and your ass should be lubed up, before the nozzle is screwed on and slowly inserted into your anus over a toilet. You should then slowly squeeze the water from the bulb into your butt. Slowly remove the douche from you booty and hold the water in. Hold, hold, hold, hold and then, when you feel like you’re going to shit yourself, release.
Yes, I said slowly about 17 times in that last paragraph because I want to stress that too much pressure can irritate your bowels – slow and steady wins the race.
Repeat this process until the water that comes out is clear and no shit’s in sight. It’s probably best to then wait about an hour or so before sticking anything up there, just to be certain.
While douching is great to remove your anxieties before anal sex, excessive douching can be harmful for your body. “Douching too much can dry and irritate the lining of your ass,” Nguyen notes, “making it more likely to tear and increase the risk for HIV and STI transmission.”
“There’s no exact number of times you should douche a week, but once a day for only 2 to 3 days a week, should not cause any problems.”
If you’re naturally a bit poopy down there, it may be your diet.
“You can avoid or minimise the mess through the types of food you eat, prior to engaging in receptive anal sex (bottoming),” Nguyen suggest. “This would include a diet rich in fibre, raw vegetables and fruit.”
“A good amount of fibre means more regular bowel movements and less straining on the toilet. This reduces your chances of causing anal fissures or haemorrhoids and is perfect for your comfort, confidence and pleasure during sex.”
“Before having receptive anal sex it is best to stay clear of heavily processed foods and other items like red meats, coffee, dairy products and or spicy foods. As food like these take longer to be processed through our body, or in the case of spicy food – move quickly and may have undesirable consequences.”
Now this obviously doesn’t apply to everyone, as some people can literally have a five-course curry meal for lunch and then sit on a dick, sex toy or finger like it’s nobody’s business. Check in with yourself and recognise if you’re usually a Poopy Penelope or not.
3. IT’S GOING TO HURT?
Anal sex is painful if your anal muscles aren’t relaxed.
Let’s talk sphincters. We actually have two – the internal and external sphincter muscles. While the outer sphincter is a voluntary muscle, meaning that it can relax with practice, the internal sphincter is involuntary, meaning that penetration will be extremely painful if you aren’t naturally relaxed.
This may be due to you being nervous or not fully trusting the partner that you’re with. Either way, anal shouldn’t be painful. “For some people relaxing their anal muscles comes naturally, but for others it’s a learnt process,” Nguyen notes.
“Practicing relaxing your muscles is a personal journey which can involve focusing on your breathing, paying attention to your body. If you find anal sex painful or uncomfortable, you can practice by yourself at home, with the use of toys and stimulators- after all practice makes perfect.”
Additionally, it’s important to breathe when your partner inserts. This may seem obvious to some, but when your partner is inserting, it’s common to hold your breath or clench your booty. Actively focusing on your breath literally makes all the difference, as it relaxes your anal muscles and subsequently makes the ordeal a whole lot less painful.
Lubrication, and lots of it, can also aid the process.
When it comes to anal sex, water-based and silicone lubes are the best options.
Water-based lubes are cheaper and don’t stain your sheets, but they absorb faster.
“Silicone lubes are great for those who tend to have longer sessions, or are finding they have to reapply water-based lube too frequently. These are generally more expensive, however many people find them to be smoother, and last longer.” The only downside is that they can stain your sheets, so make sure to set a towel down.
In my opinion, go with silicone for maximum lubrication, and please, for the love of God, stay away from the Vaso.
4. WHAT IF I’M SHIT?
Practicing with sex toys by yourself is a great way to help train the anal sphincter prior to intercourse. “Small silicone butt plugs or dildos with a base are great,” Nguyen says. “Silicone is flexible and will curve to the shape of your ass.”
“If you are using toys or stimulators during anal play, make sure they include a base. This is to stop them from being completely inserted… And will likely save you an embarrassing trip to the emergency department.”
Remember to use condoms to decrease the likelihood of STI and HVI transmission and to have regular visits to your sexual health clinic. You may want to consider PrEP, particularly if you’re partaking in some male-on-male action. It’s a daily pill that prevents HIV. If you had unprotected sex, or found yourself in a high-risk scenario, the night before, PEP is an option for the morning after. Check out our PrEP and PEP guide here.
Now run wild, my friends, and have the most beautiful, pleasurable, consensual bussy boom boom of your life. You’re doing amazing sweetie.
ACON hosts our very popular free workshop, Arse Class, for gay and bisexual guys who want to learn more about their anal anatomy and how to have the best anal sex possible. You can can register here.Image: Sony Pictures / Call Me By Your Name