There’s big whispers going around that Woolies have upped its cake game, with the supermarket’s bakery section now offering not-too-expensive but still fancy-lookin’ ~celebration cakes~ ranging between $20 and $45.
[jwplayer ZheLHs4G]
The cakes have popped up on the Woolies online store this week, and have been spotted in the weekly catalogue, and my friends it is all well and good that the bakery section is trying to give some suped-up options to stressed-out parents who forgot their kids cake for the third year straight, but we all know that the classic humble $4.80 chocolate mud cake reigns supreme every time.
Regardless, let us have a bloody gander at these new cakes, shall we?
Starting off in the more achievable $20 range – cheap enough that you don’t feel weird about grabbing one to take to a birthday BBQ or something, but still nice looking enough that a grandma won’t scold you – we’ve got a few hectic cakes that I’d probably drop a red lobster on.
Like the Chocolate Mud Madness Drip Cake, which at this rate is giving fierce competition to fuckin’ Michel’s Patisserie, I’d throw some extra coin to take that and impress my mates at a friend’s birthday, for sure.
But then there’s also the Caramel Sponge Fresh Cream Drip Cake which I think has a layer of cream in the middle the thickness of a baby’s arm? How the fuck does that thing stay upright? How does this gravity-defying lactose monster not entirely collapse onto itself?
At the higher end of the price range, we have things like the Celebration Cake Caramel Drip which just looks like the bog-standard $4.80 caramel mud cake drizzled in leftover $4.80 chocolate mud cake sauce. I firmly believe that this thing needs to taste like magic and angels breath for me to drop almost a whole pineapple on it.
Look, for all the bells and whistles of this fancy-schmancy new range, if you’re buying a cake at Woolies you’re getting the $4.80 Choccy Mud. I’m sorry but that’s facts. Don’t fix what ain’t broke, and why bother trying to improve on greatness?
