Look, we’re all familiar with the relative merits of the canonical pasta shapes. Unless you’re entirely incompetent in the kitchen, you’ll have a rough idea of what works and what doesn’t with your penne, macaroni, spaghetti, ravioli or linguine.
But there’s a whole world of unconventional pasta shapes out there, some of which you might have seen at some fancy restaurant, some of which seem like they were cooked up in a lab by a mad scientist doing illegal experiments in sauce retention which should see him locked away for life.
There’s a delightful little thread on Twitter posted by pasta lover and graphic designer David Rudnick – on World Pasta Day, no less – which explores the relative merits of the non-canonical pasta shapes, and let me tell ya: it is entertaining and weirdly educational, even if you will never see these shapes in all your years on God’s green earth.
Behold.
22. *LAST PLACE* – Croxetti
• pasta NOT a place for GraphicsDesign
• this is just a disc
• m8
• TERRIBLE sauce retention
• wilted mouthfeel pic.twitter.com/Lbm3rtAY91— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
21. Capellini
• I dont care if ur famous
• you are just Garbage Spaghetti
• Absolute Pile Of Mush
• Literally allergic to retaining sauce pic.twitter.com/gCUs5TBeOZ— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
20. Rombi
• Oh dear
• Almost feeling sorry for you
• those ridges aren’t gonna help the sauce stay on m8
• marks given for having diagonals pic.twitter.com/6Duxv2sV0F— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
19. Trenne
• triangular shape almost conveys bladerunner-esque neo-future noir
• cold, heartless form befits our age
• unsociable to sauce pic.twitter.com/KZy31B3P5l— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
18. Rotele
• entertains children & adults alike w charming suggestion of popular invention “The Wheel”
• sauce-phobic again
• good w pestos pic.twitter.com/JDZwG46PSz— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
17. Gigli
• Unsatisfyingly inconsistent mouthfeel
• Also A Famous Hollywood Picture
• Frequently Overcooked
• Better Alternatives Exist pic.twitter.com/05pBNr2DpQ— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
16. Lumaconi
• Ah, The Giant Snailshell
• Large enuf 2hide Entire Ingredients leading to Frequent Surprises
• convex exterior rejects sauce pic.twitter.com/5BszmfxzFo— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
15. Paccheri
• Always seems like a good idea at the time
• comically hard to eat with both fork and spoon
• elegant look but sauce agnostic pic.twitter.com/19BHY3ZkYv— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
14. Farfalloni
• It’s Giant Bowties Lads
• good texture contrast due to thick center / thinner fringe
• ultimately is it Just Big Farfalle? pic.twitter.com/QGHwkgE1rL— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
13. Conchiglie
• needs to be al dente
• fabulous sauce transporter
• squirts boiling sauce into roof of mouth when bitten
• spoon-friendly pic.twitter.com/sh1Jpjv68v— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
12. Girandole
• vertically stretched type but for fusili
• not actually as good as fusili
• extreme shape inconsistency betwn manufacturers pic.twitter.com/gTQUomLsgr— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
11. Fusili Avellinesi
• “The Thinking Man’s Girandole™”
• A Real Conversation Starter
• bold mover
• Ultimately not great sauce retainer pic.twitter.com/oIyCc1zXed— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
10. Campanelle
• Simply Better than gigli
• tighter florets actually hold ingredients
• prone to overcooking
• a friend to the humble pea pic.twitter.com/2wlRC8NikP— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
9. Garganelli
• Underrated jack-of-all-trades
• a real sauce holder and comrade
• solid texture contrast esp when ridged
• tooty pipe shape pic.twitter.com/JGMbyHBLXB— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
8. Trofie
• Fabulous bouncy texture that is fun to bite
• simply Loves The Pesto
• inflexible
• sometimes u just gotta hand it to em pic.twitter.com/E3GamVQLBn— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
7. Fusili Bucati
• fractal pasta with near-infinite surface area
• there is a Tube Inside The Tube
• ultimately 2 varied btwn manufacturers pic.twitter.com/PV47CmMy4T— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
6. Creste Di Gialli
• Cock-A-DoodleDoo its the Rooster Crest
• murders Gigli &Campanelle on their own shit
• sauce retainer AND transporter pic.twitter.com/DRa6Ohi4ZO— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
5. Gemelli
• unpretentious, tireless sauce holder & transporter
• the Ngolo Kante of pastas
• less spiral =better
• a true Comrade To Sauce pic.twitter.com/idqfEdrRky— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
4. Quadrefiore
• a swiss army-knife of sauce pockets
• little cuttlefish of the Pasta Sea
• rarely seen, possibly shy
• bad w chunky sauce pic.twitter.com/qHu0kI5UhI— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
3. Bucatini / Perciatelli
• Spaghetti: The Upgrade
• big enough to wrassle a bolognese / ragu
• hole in center can contain a Saucy Surprise pic.twitter.com/DrEJ9PXOg1— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
2. Radiatori
• Many compound frills
• adds baroque surface complexity to even simple meals
• spoon-friendly shape
• patented Sauce Trench™ pic.twitter.com/rd1ta84Vpl— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
1. Mafaldine
• THE CHAMP IS HERE
• a sauce-holding miracle
• enormous surface area yet still fork-navigable
• Longitudinal Ruffling as art pic.twitter.com/XfIVeKSfdp— ཊལབསརངཧ (@David_Rudnick) October 25, 2017
Some of those pastas look like they have emerged from the depth of hell itself. I have never eaten the Lovecraftian horror that is mafaldine but let me tell you: that spiky thick spaghetti tentacle is never going anywhere near my mouth.
