Girls, gays, theys and straight men who go by the name ‘John West’, do I have a catch for you. Some legend over in WA is selling an expired 95g can of Coles Italian Style Tuna for $1000, but there’s a method to the madness.

The expired tin of Italian Style (fkn gross) Tuna is being shipped to Australia only from the lovely little nook of Bullsbrook WA from an eBay seller who goes by the name of theelvengoth who has a rather spectacular 100% positive feedback rating.

I guess you can always trust your elven goth pals in the west to deliver the goods.

Other items being sold by our goth friend are rare — yet faulty — mechanical watches, so it’s a rather odd decision to chuck in a can of tuna for more than twice the cost of rare items.

Here’s the bad boy in all its glory:

coles italian style tuna $1000

The reason this item is going for so high with no fuss is that Coles discontinued the item two whole years ago. Apparently, this specific type of tuna was a big hit with Aussies, though, who still mourn its departure from our shelves.

Can we just use this opportunity to talk for a second about ‘Italian Style’ tuna as a concept? I’m sure we all know that there’s nothing Italian about it, really. It’s just a heap of tuna swimming in some god-awful tomato and garlic sauce. An offence to the ocean, an offence to Italy.

You can’t just chuck garlic and a sprig of basil in something and call it Italian. If I gave a can of this tuna to my nonna she’d probably just evaporate on the spot.

Not to mention the fact that it’s over two years old, so lord knows what ungodly Lovecraftian horrors await in this tin of fin. (The best before date is actually August this year, so it’s only two months off, but STILL).

If you really want to tempt fate and alter the timelines as we know it, you can snag the $1000 tuna right here.

Although I have many questions about this Coles tuna being more expensive than the elusive PS5 console, I do trust a WA salesperson who has nothing but positive reviews. Old mate is just going about their business.