Well yee-haw and howdy-fkn-doo, Taste Magazine has published a recipe for a Bubble O’Bill ice cream cake and it uses half a bloody pantry’s worth of ingredients. Suffice to say, whoever makes this divine monstrosity should automatically become the new sheriff of Flavourtown.

That’s right, if you want to consume a whole packet of Arnott’s Choc Ripple biscuits, an entire four-litre tub of vanilla ice cream, a block of dark chocolate and eight (8!!!) individual Bubble O’Bills, all in one succulent dessert, then look no further. Taste has got you covered.

“This ice cream cake couldn’t be easier to assemble – or enjoy!” the recipe says.

That’s great news for a dingus such as myself who burns cereal. Now kids will actually look up to me and my poser-Betty Crocker cooking skills.

The instructions can be [very loosely] paraphrased as follows:

  1. Heat/melt/combine a bunch of the ingredients in a bowl (there’s more than just those mentioned above, btw, so go check the full recipe), and then mix in the crushed biscuits. You should end up with two biscuit bases.
  2. After freezing the vanilla ice cream mixed with hundreds-and-thousands overnight, scoop it out between the two biscuit bases to make a giant ice cream sandwich.
  3. Then, drizzle melted chocolate all over the place. Finally, use the remaining melted chocolate as a kind of delicious glue with which to stick your eight (8!!!) individual Bubble O’Bills to the side of the ice cream cake.

Voila. You have the opposite of a balanced food pyramid (a sugar chasm, perhaps?) on a plate. Enjoy and try not freeze those sensitive little teeth of yours.

Our PEDESTRIAN.TV insider tip is that you can even substitute the Bubble O’Bills for Bubble O’Jills, if you’re so inclined. Thank us later, ladies.

If you’re tossing up weather to scoot to the farmer’s markets or to your local artisanal providore for ingredients, it turns out you need not stress.

“We found our Bubble O’Bill ice creams sold individually at service stations and selected independent supermarkets,” a note at the bottom of the recipe reads.

Perfection. Pure petrol station perfection.

You can peep the full recipe – with more detailed instructions that actually make sense – here. Who knows, maybe even one of us will give it a crack for your entertainment.

Stay tuned, partner.