Ahhh, brie cheese. A smooth and silky cow’s-milk cheese that comes straight from the gorgeous French region of Brie. It’s often a pale shade of cream, with a snowy white exterior. Truthfully, it looks simply delightful. Tastes like a cloud. But it smells like cum.
Yes, friends. Brie smells like cum, and I’m tired of pretending that it doesn’t.
Brie cheese is often a staple on charcuterie boards and other forms of nibbly plates at dinner parties, because it’s so fkn creamy and tasty that it honestly goes with anything, especially a nice cracker, some pesto dip and a slice of prosciutto.
However, if you’ve ever put it against your nose, you’ll notice that it has an outrageous stench of semen. It’s not the most egregious smell in the world, but your brain automatically goes there if you’ve ever had the displeasure of being amongst the aroma of cum.
Today I learned that brie cheese just smells like straight up semen
— TECTONE (@Tectone) May 12, 2021
If you don’t know what cum smells like, you probably shouldn’t be reading this article, but buy some brie and you’ll know right away.
In my humble opinion, as a… connoissuer of both delicacies, they don’t taste the same at all. But, I reckon brie actually has more of a powerful cum stench than even cum does. Like, it almost makes me puke.
Get past the smell and you have one of the best cheeses on offer. Or y’know, don’t sniff your cheese before you eat it. You’ll get very far in the cheese world that way.
It smells this way because it’s a rind cheese, and sometimes the cultures that are used to make it can turn all of the proteins in the cheese curd into ammonia. That’s what we’re all smelling.
The smell evaporates away very easily though, and can sometimes get trapped when it’s all wrapped up in the fridge. Just free that bad boy and let it air out a bit, and you won’t be serving your friends and family cum brie.
And you know what, brie isn’t the only thing that smells like cum that I can think of.
Some of you clearly haven’t been around the Ornamental Pear tree, which usually grows around Melbourne. Most people call it the cum tree, because you guessed it, it smells just like cum.
The cum trees are in full bloom which means I can’t walk the little dogleg between Blyth and Holmes Street without feeling gross.
— Soon-Tzu Speechley 孫子 (@speechleyish) October 1, 2019
on a walk in ascot vale and i’m being fucking bombarded by the cum trees
— canio (wog bitch) (@wog4wog) October 3, 2019
See, I’m not crazy. Things can smell like cum that aren’t cum. Eat some brie under the blossoming Ornamental Pear tree and you’ll have sensory overload I reckon.
So yeah, next time you’re over at someone’s house eating some brie cheese, have a subtle whiff when you get the chance and think of this article. You’ll see what I mean.
Thanks for cumming to my TED Talk.
