Movie popcorn is the supreme snack of choice, regardless of whether you’re seeing a movie or not. Going shopping? Swing by the cinemas to grab some popcorn on the go. Retail assistants love it when you rub your buttery little mitts all over their mannequins.
Sometimes, on those really low days, even movie popcorn by itself just doesn’t hit that sweet craving that’s usually provided by its second cousin twice removed, chocolate.
To satisfy both itches, you really need to buy your chocolate of choice, pour it into the popcorn tub and eat until your troubles melt away in a puddle of cocoa-infused butter pooling in your stomach.
However, some chocolates are a far superior partner to popcorn than others, so we ranked the heavy-hitters.
8. Chocolate Liquorice Balls
I’m indifferent to liquorice. Sure, I’ll eat it when it’s 1am and the pantry looks like a post-apocalyptic Woolies, but I won’t go out of my way to buy it or swipe it from my friend’s glovebox.
Put chocolate liquorice balls in popcorn and not only will I not eat it, I will move several seats down from you, angle my back slightly so not even my peripherals can detect you, and I will leave five minutes before the movie ends to ensure we never cross paths again.
Your grandparents’ favourite go-to gift, the mysterious Clinkers, are all fun and games for .25 seconds when you pray you bite into a pink one, and about as fun as a kick to the coccyx when you discover any of the other colours.
I’m not entirely sure what the middle, non-chocolate part actually is, but do you honestly think popcorn will ever reach temperatures hot enough to melt that chalk-like substance that makes up 98% of the Clinker?
What you’d be left with is partially melted chocolate and popcorn with hard chunks of powdery lollies* scattered throughout.
*Can neither confirm nor deny the middle consists of lolly or chalk.
Pods: yes. Popcorn: yes. Pods in popcorn? Ehh… sure.
I’m not convinced the biscuit portion of Pods are the right fit for popcorn but I’m also not sure it’s the wrong fit, so I’m taking the coward’s way out and placing it at a safe, fence-sitting six on the list.
Worst-case scenario, if it tastes like trash you can just pull them back out again.
5. Mini Easter eggs
If you’re hellbent on ruining your insides, whacking a handful of mini Easter eggs into your popcorn is the most indulgent treat on the list.
The chocolate hits will be immense, and you’ll probably get a gob full of melted goodness in-between a few kernels rather than the other way around, but sometimes you just need that Easter-endorsed attack on your life expectancy.
Maltesers this far down the list? He’s a mad man, arrest him.
You basic Blinky Bills love talking about Maltesers in popcorn more than you love talking about the iconic series that is 1993’s Blinky Bill, and while I get the appeal, I hardly think it deserves all the anal smoke-blowing.
Yes, it’s perfectly tasty, but it’s not the combination to die for.
Another cliché-but-delicieux combo is, of course, the M&M and popcorn extravaganza.
The hard shell and the tiny discs of chocolate so expertly weave their way through the popcorn, almost every bite is the perfect combination of salty and sweet.
That’s the problem, though – if I’m going to mix chocolate in with my popcorn, I don’t want every single bite to be the same.
You’ll barely make it to the bottom of the tub before you’re bored of the snack, the movie and your existence.
I have exactly three reasons why Smarties are a superior choice to M&Ms:
- They taste better than M&Ms and didn’t deserve to be relegated to the ‘fine I guess’ option in primary school.
- Smarties’ larger shape means your snacking will be more unpredictable than M&Ms. Is this going to be a saltier bite or a sweeter bite? Time might tell but I never will.
- You can use the cardboard box they come in to store personal goods like pens and death threats. Recycle, you guys.
1. Dark chocolate chips
I found it, I found the perfect chocolate/popcorn combination.
Not everyone loves dark chocolate, granted, but not everyone’s writing this article, so shove thy sock in thy mouth.
For me, a light sprinkle of dark chocolate chips in a huge tub of popcorn is the perfect balance. I don’t walk away from a movie feeling like I want to heave into the hedges and I still get that sweet, delicious chocolate fix.
Try to find a flaw in my rationale. I’ll wait seven years for extensive studies to be conducted, I honestly have the time.
Obviously, none of us are going to agree on the perfect combination, so I think we should all just order our own food and keep our noses out of each other’s popcorn.
At the current Disney+ Drive-In that’s making its way around the east coast, punters can do exactly that: order whatever they bloody want. When you rock up to the screening, just hit up DoorDash’s app, choose what you want to eat and your car buddy can do the same, and you can all sit there in silence, watching the movie, eating your own food and just getting on with the night.Image: Woolworths; Trolls 2