Nothing like a fridge full of leftovers to bring out the seven deadly sins within.
Lust: Being seduced by the leftovers in the fridge, as early as one hour after dessert. You try to fight the feeling, but can’t shake them from your mind. In your head the ham is practically pole dancing in the fridge, and she thick.
Pride: Feeling satisfied as fuck about your leftovers haul. You are a great cook… ‘gram that plate! Your potential bae should know.
Greed: Ensuring you get the cream of the crop from the best dishes before the rest of the family attacks. You pick all the cheesy bacon off the potato bake and leave the rest there.
Gluttony: Eating leftovers while reading articles about how to lose your Xmas pounds. You push your stomach to the absolute limit because you really are starting the diet tomorrow.
Sloth: Going for a walk might be the best thing to do… You walk to the couch and stay there ’til New Years Day.
Envy: Your parents have handed your brother the roast vegetables on a bed of couscous to take home, while they’ve handed you an individually proportioned Coles-brand fruit mince pie – the pecking order of favourites has been revealed and you’re not happy about it.
Wrath: In the core of your soul sits the questions, “Why did I do this to myself, when will I ever learn?”
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Leftovers are like assholes, everybody has them. And thank Jesus we do, as assholes are the only way we can get rid of them, too.
I’ve compiled some Christmas recipe leftovers, and have also asked my friends, family and co-workers what they do with theirs. So, without further ado, here’s a short guide for the 12 days of leftovers that follow Christmas.
Day 1: The Safe Zone
This is the best the leftovers are ever going to get, so make the most of it. They could even be better than yesterday, depending on what it is. You should only need to give it all a quick zap in the microwave and eat it the way baby Jesus intended, with grace. Maybe try a few dish combinations that you were too full to try the previous day.
This is also a good time to strike up one of those ‘cold vs. hot leftovers‘ conversations with your friends and family, which might sound like mind-numbing conversation, but I always find to be a good debate nonetheless.
Day 3: Get Creative
The food has seen better days but is not yet in the inedible zone. Make the best out of a bad sitch and do some rearranging, pronto.
“My fam take all the leftover turkey, ham, stuffing and even any stray potatoes, and pop them in between the layers of pasta and cheese for a colossal Christmas pasta bake.” – Steph
“Ok so if I have leftover chocolates and lollies and stuff, I just buy a tub of icecream, leave it out on the table to melt, stuff all my chocolates and lollies in there and pop it back in the freezer. Epic dessert that will last you months.” – Niamh
“Im usually making pizza out of the left over meat and veg.” – Alyce
I also asked my Nanna, who genuinely wants to help you with your leftovers too:
“With all the left over veg, potato and egg make Frittata. With all the prawns and ham, make fried rice. My favorite left over creation is what I make with the pork, I make a batter, cut the pork and fry it to make a pork scallop.” – Nanna
Day 5: Loss Of Friends
You are in over your head just trying to get rid of your own leftovers, yet your friends have the audacity to invite you over to help eat theirs. How fucking selfish. They are now your leftover friends.
“Trying to get rid of leftover custard by drinking glasses of it like it’s milk.” – Mel
“Put Baileys in the leftover custard with fruit.” – Nanna
Day 7: Use It Or Lose It
You’ve entered the danger zone and the clock is ticking. The ham is sweating like the Grinch at church, the trifle has well and truly sunk, the prawns eyes are grey. You can practically see the food getting sadder by the minute. The glad wrap has been taken off and on so many times that its now taken the form of a clear ping pong ball on top of your food, like the star on top of the Christmas tree you should have taken down by now. Time to make a toasted sandwich out of everything in sight. Try not to think about what you are eating.
“Use the left over bread rolls to make toasted sandwiches out of your leftover dinner, switch up the cheeses for variety after a few days.” – Savannah
Day 9: Game over + The Purge
Time’s up, put your pens down. You’ve fought a good fight but the leftovers win again this year. You are playing with your life if you even think about touching the remaining trout. There’s a dead fly or two in the fridge. Those prawn heads you forgot to take out of the freezer are starting to reek. With black paint under your eyes, and under the cover of darkness, you stash bags of prawn heads into other people’s bins on the street (not your immediate neighbours – that’s too red hot).
Time to clean up and move on with your life. You have to slightly relax your morals on this day to get the job done.
“Your dad and mum bought this free range, organic, hand bathed, $450 turkey. We ate what we could on Xmas, then we covered it and left it on the table. Henson [my dog] got up while everyone was having their post Xmas pig out nap and stole it off the table and dragged it into the yard. By the time anyone woke up there were blowflies all over it, so your dad says “I’m not dealing with this now, I’ll bin it tomorrow”. When we got up there were also now maggots all over it. He was so grossed out about it that he poured petrol all over it and burned it. The petrol leaked into the grass which caught fire, practically the whole yard went up in flames, its still charred AF out there.” – my Aunty Jacqui.
“If you are offended by not sustainable things, please look away. We had an off xmas ham that was stinking up our fridge in our house down the south coast, it had been there weeks. One day my grandpa and dad were taking the boat out and i was all “can i come” and they were like “naaah, yeah ok” We took the boat down the creek and into the ocean, and they pull out the xmas ham, like a body in a bag threw it into the ocean. None of us ever spoke about it again.” – Vanna
Day 12: The Easter eggs are out at Coles and Woolies
It begins.
Now run wild my Christmas troopers. Be fearless. I wish you luck and strength. And remember: if you don’t eat the leftovers, they’ll end up eating you.
<3
