There’s a new expansion out for The Sims 4, folks, and it’ll let you bang the ever-loving shit out of Santa Claus and have his babies. I’m not fucking kidding.
The Seasons add-on includes the game’s own non-religious version of Santa named Father Winter. He’s not a verbatim replica of the real-world Father Christmas, but it’s a pretty obvious representation, even though he wears blue instead of the traditional red. He doles out pressies, rocks a dad bod and is jolly as all fuck, not to mention the beard.
Like the regular Sims fuck mechanic, if you can manage to sweet talk your Santa conversation wheel into showing the “WooHoo” option – which is Sims code for doing sex – you can absolutely bone him. Furthermore, you’ll be able to carry and birth his magical spawn.
Haha look at him. LOOK! I am howling.
https://twitter.com/damehasclass/status/1011018398736764933?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.polygon.com%2F2018%2F6%2F25%2F17500938%2Fsims-4-seasons-seduce-santa-claus-patchy-scarecrow
Holly – Father Winter’s daughter ❄️🎁 pic.twitter.com/dOioHaf3qN
— NhimSim (@NhimSim) June 23, 2018
Truly a Christmas miracle. Old mate’s kids receive a special trait, which is why folks think they have magical powers, but the only reported benefit so far has been a bonus satisfaction point gain. Hardly magical if you ask me.
But wait, it gets better. In order for the child to inherit these powers, you must fuck Santa out of wedlock. You can choose to marry and invite him to join your household, but doing so revokes his NPC status and turns him into a regular Sim under your terrifying control, leaving a new Father Winter to take his place. Any babies you create at this stage will not carry wondrous powers.
So if you want that magic babby, you better gear up for a salacious pre-marital affair with the NPC Father Winter. Saucy.
If you’re not into the idea of fucking a secular digital representation of the big fat Christmas man, perhaps you’d be more comfortable boning a literal scarecrow. His name is Patchy and he’s down to FUN, baby!
No one has been able to conceive a horrible child with Patchy at this stage, but that’s probably for the best.
It’s an exciting time in the Sims community, folks, and I, for one, can’t wait to see what the game will let me fuck next.
