While the rest of the world trembles in fear of Australia‘s snakes and spiders; while we casually perpetrate the lie of their commonality from the comfort of our metropolitan homes; while we think of ourselves as tough shit because we allow a huntsman exists near us – we mostly forget about the *true* dangerous boy of Australian animals: the goanna.

Now in case you didn’t know – *adopts extreme David Attenborough voice* – the humble goanna is a surprisingly dangerous creature, and it will fuck you up.

When spooked, goannas have been known to mistake humans for trees and attempt to climb to safety, thereby shredding the poor human’s legs with their razor sharp claws. Their tails are hefty, and a good swing can knock over a small child. And while the jury is out as to whether or not goannas are venomous, their bites do tend to cause incessant bleeding.

So yeah. Bearing all that in mind, have a look at this absolute psychopath dragging a goanna out of a NSW winery.

Mimosa Wines uploaded the video to Facebook, praising the actions of French waitress Samia Lila, whom it has dubbed ‘Goanna Girl‘.

“I looked at it and thought it was a dog at first,” Samia told Fairfax. “But then I realised it was a goanna… I wasn’t scared, I like reptiles so was a bit excited.”

And that’s the fault of her boss, apparently. Owner Glenn Butson told the The Mercury that he’d recently told Samia a story about dragging a trapped goanna out by the tail, so “she just thought that’s what Aussies do when a goanna comes inside.” 

Goanna Girl? More like goanna get fucked if that thing comes near me, hahahaha amirite guys?

Guys?

Photo: Mimosa Wines / Facebook.