Are you sitting down for this one, guys? I regret to inform you all of a shocking and confronting truth: Mr. Darcy, the Jane Austen heartthrob who is embedded into everyone’s minds as Colin Firth, was actually not hot at all. In fact, he was kind of a scrawny doofus with awful hair.
A couple of English literature boffins wrote a ‘reappraisal’ of Darcy based on a number of factors, such as the style at the time, genetic trends and Austen’s own romances. Sickeningly, they found that the would have been slightly malnourished and pale, with an oval-shaped head and a pointy jaw. Just…. just look at him:
Sad!
“In the late 1790s, square jaws were practically unheard-of amongst the upper classes,” claims the study, “with the pointy chin and small mouth evident on Mr. Darcy very common features of the gentlemen of the era.”
Where is the rugged, square-jawed Colin Firth with the mop of renegade curly hair? What is that powered white barnet? Who is this toff? It gets worse though. If you were imagining a tall, powerfully built, fit bloke… you could not be further from the truth:
It was all about the legs.The six pack was unknown and square shouldered bulk was the mark of the navvy not the gentlemen. The general effect was one of languid, graceful length not breadth. More ballet dancer than beef-cake.
The authors claim that horseback riding would powerfully build the legs, but an aversion to weightlifting or anything like it would leave the torso woefully underdeveloped. The opposite of skipping leg day, basically.
Naturally Darcy would be able to dance, ride, and fence. These were all activities which developed the thigh and calf muscles. A fine leg was an index of virility. Women looked out for a well-defined calf muscle, and strong thighs on horseback. Spindle shanks were a sign of ebbing manhood, likely impotence. French men were invariably caricatured as thin of leg & deficient of courage.
2017: truly the year of broken dreams. But look. If a powerful-legged, thin-lipped nerdo with white hair is your thing, you are absolutely in luck. Mr. Darcy could well be your perfect man.
Please watch this extremely naff video of how they came to this conclusion:
Artist creates first historically accurate portrait of Jane Austen’s Mr Darcy. pic.twitter.com/mhc4lE5CgG
— Drama Channel (@drama_channel) February 9, 2017
Source: UKTV.
Photo: Pride & Prejudice.
