Animals are great and all, but if we’re being real, thongs would be the real emblem of Australia. I honestly don’t know a single Aussie who doesn’t have at least one pair (and they’re probably Havis), even if they just chill at the back of the closet for emergencies.
They’re bloody handy, thongs, especially for walking around and such. However, while yes, these thongs were made for walking, there’s a lot of things that a good pair of thongs are also super useful for, both while you’re using them and after you’re done. Allow me to demonstrate.
I like to think that at this point we’ve all heard the message that we need to up our game for the planet, and we’re all looking for ways to improve. So why the hell wouldn’t you recycle your thongs? Well, for the first time ever in Australia, you can.
Havaianas and TerraCycle just formed a team which means that everyone in QLD, SA, WA, NT and regional NSW can all take their Havis to participating stores and drop them off at a recycling station. There’ll be a lot more coming in NSW and VIC as lockdowns end, so watch this space or skip the middleman and ship them directly.
From there, they’ll get a second life as that delightful soft-fall matting used in playgrounds and gyms. Sounds perfect, right? Find your closest recycling centre or download your free shipping label here.
2. Swatting bugs
The only thing you’ll find more commonly than thongs in Australia, are bugs. Yes, yes, they’re an essential part of the ecosystem so they deserve to exist, but they’re also a right pain in the arse. Sometimes there’s nothing for it but a swift slap with a swat. Except that no one buys fly swats anymore, because we’re all just using our thongs.
3. Fanning yourself
Sweating buckets? It’s Australia, so that was obviously a rhetorical question. We’re not people who dig a dainty fan, but sometimes we desperately need an artificial breeze and there’s no way to get to the aircon. That’s when you simply slide off your footwear and start waving it near your face to get the air moving. Boom, thong fan.
4. Holding doors
A thong is nothing if not a gentleman, and we’ve all had a moment of using the humble thong to hold the door open for us. I don’t mean while it’s on your foot either, I mean taking that bad boi off and wedging it beneath the door so it won’t bang you on the rear as you carry your oversized esky out.
5. For a paddlin’
I’m not sure when it happened, yet I can say with certainty that if an Aussie isn’t making fun of you then you simply aren’t friends. As such, we often need something to whack our friends with when their teasing becomes less funny and more annoying. Thongs are perfect for the job, given that they’re light enough to cause zero damage, but also make a satisfying thwack sound.
6. To grab attention
You know when your group is super spread out but you need them all back at headquarters ASAP? While you could rely on straining your voice with a yell, or use a whistle if (unlike me) you’re talented enough to be able to do one. You know what’s easier though? Grab your thongs and whack those bad bois together for a very satisfying clap to grab everyone’s attention with minimal effort.
7. Confusing foreign mates
There is no greater joy than announcing to a room full of non-Aussies that you just have to “grab your other thong”, and then watching as confusion (and mild horror) takes over their faces. There’s also an 86 percent chance someone will reference The Thong Song.