Melbourne Cup 2012 Fashion Winners And Losers

The day after the Melbourne Cup no one wants to talk about the actual race unless, of course, they picked the winner (I won $32 and am in high spirits!). Instead, the Cup’s aftermath is usually dedicated to recovering from debilitating hangovers and scathing on what the high profile attendees were wearing. Let’s take a look at the tragedies and triumphs of Melbourne Cup fashan…

When she’s out of the Grayson’s sleazy South Hamptons mansion, Ashley from Revenge looks a lot less like a hateful scheming social climber and much more of an adorable fresh-faced poster child for the Fountain of Youth. Her white and pastel green camilla and marc is a cute and playful choice.

I don’t mean to be raceist (ha! Good one, me) but I have to question Mischa Barton‘s choice of frock because it’s so ‘evening’ and therefore isn’t suitable for a day at the races at all. In theory, I quite like this wine coloured Ellery dress, but it is so unstructured and long – it just doesn’t make for appropriate Melbourne Cup attire. Kudos for the fabulous shoes and Phillip Treacy headwear though.

A better look at the headpiece:

Darryn Lyons turns up in the kind of repugnant taste-absent, satin-heavy gross fest that you’d expect from an Australian paparazzi svengali. So, very “on brand”.

I’m not wild about the floral kaleidoscope that Rebecca Judd is wearing, but you’ve have to hand it to the lady: she knows how to pull an outfit together (it obviously helps that she has a model’s figure and great skin). She accessorises the many-coloured satin Nicola Finetti number with black accents including Dolce & Gabbana heels and a headpiece that is slowly falling down her face.

When I see photos like this I’m glad these two finally got together. Draw a heart around this picture and send it to your monarchy-loving grandma and she’ll be stoked. Look at the mutual appreciation there! – They probably bonked last night. Ew.

Ashley Hart wins me over with her gorgeous smile, then slowly confuses me with her outfit. The laser cut white suit is pretty hot. But the peacock sheddings stuck in her hair and the gold hardware “belt” and that pale pink bustier don’t seem to add up to a fabulous, cohesive outfit. But she’s so freaking cute her fashanz aren’t important.

Good grief. Mauve and black is such a 2001 colour combination. I wish it had stayed there. Try as she might the very pretty Jennifer Hawkins cannot make this overly busy Toni Maticevski dress and numerous accessories look chic.

Oh Rose Byrne. I’m not mad, I’m disappointed. I expected her to look sensational. And by ‘sensational’ I mean NOT a bridesmaid-y Alex Perry dress in boring colours. The matching Chanel quilted 2.55 handbag and camellia hairpiece are very chic though.

Well doesn’t Michael Klim looks like a delightful cappuccino in his fawn suit and smart white shirt! With this dapper ensemble he actually outdoes his very beautiful wife Lindy who looks like a pretty bride at a Woodstock-themed wedding, but is a little too “un-tailored” for the Melbourne Cup. Still, one of the best couples of the day (along with Charles and Camilla, obvs).

I like a net veil but, the usually faultlessly stylish, Kate Waterhouse chose one that is way too big. Rule of thumb: If your head looks like a bag-of-oranges you need to downsize the veil. She wears Gucci.

I do understand the vibe Sophie Monk is going for: a demure all-white Carl Kapp look that doesn’t show a lot of skin – something to subvert the public perception that she’s nothing but breasts on legs. She might have overdone the whole skin-coverage thing though, because the length of the skirt shortens her legs and the high neck makes it look as though someone plonked her head right onto her shoulders. In theory a chic look; in practice not so successful.

Adorable Pia Miranda wears sensible turf-handling wedges and some really lovely pyjamas.

Jesinta Campbell‘s high-neck white lace frock is truly lovely. Sadly, the ill-advised pink turban is not. The sheeny dusty rose colour doesn’t complement the rest of her look at all. “Dusty rose” is the colour of people who collect porcelain figurines.

Ah, the general public. This moment captured for eternity reminds us all that you don’t have to wear a well-fitting dress or be concerned about VPL to snag a fella. Extra points to him for carrying her handbag.

Photos by Cameron Spencer, Scott Barbour, Matthew Mallett, Marianna Massey and Ryan Pierse for Getty Images