Editor-in-Chief of the labyrinthine Elle Macpherson Personal Archives Project™ – My Story: Truth, Faith, Intimacy et©, Eleanor Nancy Gow, turned 49-years-young yesterday.
It was a milestone occasion for all – not just Elle Macpherson – deserving not only of a cake frosted in the exact same shade of white as her teeth/chakra/sclera (Pantone 11-0601 TCX or else) and a slightly passive aggressive birthday card from her team (“Today is all about you. No change there then ha ha ha please don’t fire us!“) but also a lengthy piece in Fairfax Media entertainment publications announcing that ‘At 50, ‘The Body’ [is] still turning heads.’
That’s just how everything around Elle Macpherson, the 49-year-old 50-year-old, rolls; let time nor age weary or even apply correctly to her; match the frosting on her cake to the frosting on her life; base syndicated media stories about her on a little white lie in a Wikipedia entry; YOLO!
I’m 49 today ! twitter.com/ellemacpherson…
— Elle Macpherson (@ellemacpherson) March 29, 2013
Upon extremely close consultation of her Twitter account and The Elle Macpherson Archive Project [section: resources, downloads; subsection: five page biography; chapter: Childhood] Elle clearly states she was born in 1964, The Year of The Dragon, making her 49, not 50.
Now that you’ve had time to recover from discovering this shocking, inconvenient truth, there are four discernible reasons for this gross error in judgement on the part of Fairfax that we need to discuss:
- Elle Macpherson has either invoked black magic to animate her waxwork figure at Madame Tussauds New York. Wax Elle is now going around telling Fairfax she’s actually fifty, and sure, they can play fast and loose with her age and the Laws of Time, why not? Likelihood on a scale of 1-10: 6.
- Elle Macpherson doesn’t know how old she is. Likelihood on a scale of 1-10: 8.
- Fairfax got a little too excited at the prospect of reproducing again The Body Bio, a rollicking rags-to-riches tale of Supermodels and lingerie and faux Francophile encounters in which Elle pretends she doesn’t speak English [a great story for all occasions]. In the rush to be the first to publish the bio piece, with its jokes about blowing out fifty candles and whether or not she’d eat her birthday cake [hilarious, by the way, because she’s a model], Fairfax fell victim to familiar bout of Premature Calculation. Likelihood on a scale of 1-10: 9.
- That, or someone’s been using Wikipedia as a source when really, as everyone knows, you should get all your information from Twitter. Likelihood on a scale of 1-10: also about 9-ish.
Media Watch usually airs Monday nights on the ABC at 9:20pm, but it’s okay, you don’t need to watch it this week anymore.
Photo: John Sciulli via Getty
