To Stop Athletes Fucking ‘Til The Cows Come Home, The Tokyo Olympics Designed Anti-Sex Beds

Tokyo Olympics

The organisers behind the Tokyo Olympics have become the ultimate cock blocks by creating beds that basically ensure nobody can have sex on them.

I give you the anti-sex bed…

So how does the anti-sex bed work?

The beds are made out of cardboard and can only support up to 200 kilograms of weight or it will collapse. These frigid AF beds also prevent athletes from bonking by collapsing if they are jumped on and from sudden movements.

The International Olympic Committee don’t want people making the sexy-time because of strict COVID-19 protocol against physical contact.

However, according to Japan Today they have still provided players with 160,000 condoms – so if you’re going to fuck on a cardboard bed, you may as well do it safely.

For reference, data from Statista suggests that there are only 11,500 athletes and 79,000 overseas officials, journalists and support staff attending the event. So that’s a lot of condoms!

It’s only a matter of time before strict parents use this on their own children, and then who knows what chaos will ensue. This would be my South Asian grandma’s dream TBH.

Imagine the power teachers would wield if they could replace the bunk beds at school camps with these anti-sex ones. Students would no longer be able to bed hop and it would be obvious if they were (see: collapsed cardboard bed).

I mean, it wouldn’t have made a difference to me, because nobody wanted to touch me with a ten-foot pole anyway. But you know, I would’ve liked to know that bed fondling was at least an option.

To bonk, or not to bonk at the Tokyo Olympics? That is the question.