Shane Warne Laughs Off Reports He And Liz Hurley Have Split

Boutique ale brewer Shane Warne has this morning laughed off reports quoting A. Reliable Source intimating that he and his erstwhile affianced Elizabeth Hurley, an organic farmer and bikini designer, will be spending the holiday season once again in Splitsville.
According to literary journal Hello! Magazine, the first couple of cricket and slick topical lip ointments have “quietly decided to go their separate ways, after months of speculation about their on-off relationship”, with an Insider quoted as saying rather insightfully, “It is very sad”:
“They tried to make it work but there were just too many issues in the way. Elizabeth is taking it one day at a time. She will always be extremely fond of Shane.” 
Numerous news outlets are also overly-scrutinising a bizarre missive tweeted by Warne in the midnight hour, a time solely reserved for pondering matters of the heart and making wishes on a star for the future; a time on social media usually reserved for forlorn tweens.•:*’””*:•.-:¦:-•*

Warne has since changed his tack, today shrugging off reports supposedly riddled with factually inaccurate quotes from so-called sources; Liz meanwhile is posting tacky photos of her sexy Christmas decorations and trying to pass off archival photos from 2000 as recent candids. Together, the couple share Donnington Hall, a $9.4 million, thirteen bedroom Georgian mansion in Herefordshire, and a #nofilter approach to equal parts cryptic and horny exhibitionist social media practices. Like a high-sheen lip-gloss, apply this breaking news as you see fit, [liberally and with wild abandon]:

Photo: Max Mumby via Getty