Contrary to the tacky seraphic Instagram he shared on Valentine’s Day depicting cherubim unnerving in their resemblance to himself and Liz Hurley, Australia’s erect nipple and poet laureate Shane Warne appeared on The TODAY Show this morning to confirm what you’ve long feared – that he and Elizabeth, an “organic farmer” have made like six consecutive bowls and are over.
Speaking with intimate confidant Karl Stefanovic, Warne denied claims perpetuated by The Sun yesterday that the “over the shoulder bowler [had] bowled over an over the shoulder boulder holder moulder” in buxom lingerie magnate Michelle Mone, adding that reports of a Valentine’s Day tryst were “no one’s business [and] absolute rubbish… I roll a yawn, that’s part of the territory.”
When asked whether things were okay with his erstwhile fiancée, Warne responded “Yeah I’m going good, Liz and I are still friends, we catch up when we can. It’s a shame it’s all over and done but that’s the way it goes unfortunately,” before adding, rather heartbreakingly:
“I’m just a man trying to do the best I possibly can.”
Yesterday, evidently reeling from heartbreak and paintball-related welts, Shane over-shared this:
Yesterday, evidently having a ball with a llama named Sebastian, Liz over-shared this:
Photo: Ryan Pierse via Getty