The AFL home & away season has wound its way to a close, leaving 10 clubs lying in the dust of the 8 that managed to make it to the top end of the ladder and thus progress on to the promised land that is the 2014 AFL Finals Series.
So while those 8 teams head back to training this week in preparation for a cracker Week 1 of the finals, it’s season over for the the other 10. And, as is tradition in footballing circles, this means that annual Mad Monday celebrations kicked off in pubs and club facilities around the country.
For those of you unaware as to what Mad Monday is, you take a roster of some 40-odd professional athletes – exclusively young men, the majority of whom are under 25 years old, you put them in the one room for the day, you encourage costumes, and you lift the often imposed restrictions on consumption of alcohol in place throughout the year. It’s your work Christmas drinks, if your work was made up entirely of hyper competitive young blokes – mostly from the country – who earn enormous salaries through spending extended time in the gym.
So that being said, this year’s costumes are a mixed bag. Some good. Some relatively safe. Some wildly offensive. A number of clubs have (smartly) implemented no phones policies for Mad Monday celebrations. But thanks to those that haven’t, and the magic of Instagram, here, ranked in order, are 10 of the better ones from today.
10. Jeremy Cameron & Devon Smith – Greater Western Sydney Giants
Store bought Bacon & Eggs costumes. A smart choice for young boys wary of stepping out of line. But about as boring as it gets. Unlike the foodstuffs they represent, there’s no sizzle here.
9. Jack Trengrove – Melbourne Demons
Earns some points for the Tinder profile getup. Loses many more for its poor construction and hand-written name. That shit takes 5 seconds in Photoshop to knock up properly. You’ve even got a graphics department at the Football Club who could’ve helped. Swipe left.
8. The Entire Brisbane Lions Team
For every bit of good that’s done here – and there’s a lot, from having to wear that ridiculous Big Bird outfit all day, to that outstanding Dr J getup, through to the bang-on Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar – it’s all horrifically undone by yet another jerk thinking it’s ok to get done up in Black Face. Really? REALLY? This is PRECISELY why we can’t have nice things.
7. Daniel Gorringe & Someone Else – Gold Coast Suns
Men in women’s clothes. Because comedy! Am I right, people! Let’s just ignore Gorringe in the SexyCop outfit for the moment, and focus on the real winner here, the Other Person Whose Name I Cannot Figure Out, in that remarkable Princess Peach costume. Bonus points awarded to the fact that he wasn’t merely content to go for the character as a stand alone feature; instead going for Peach in Mario Kart form. Specificity gets you the chocolates, kids.
6. James Polkinghorne – Brisbane Lions
Points up for the outstanding photography skills and general well-put-together-ness of this Dame Edna costume. Points down for the “Bloke Crossdressing as a Crossdressing Bloke” concept, which feels far too subtle and meta for it to have anything to do with the world of football.
5. Adam Treloar, Curtly Hampton, Player #3 – Greater Western Sydney Giants
A costume party at a sporting organisation unsurprisingly tends to feature a lot of sporting-related costumes. Above, we have Exhibit A. On paper, the combination of the three of them in Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippin and Dennis Rodman Chicago Bulls jerseys is a solid winner. But the specifics drag it right down. Firstly, Rodman never played in a Bulls lineup that featured Jordan wearing number 45. And secondly, the fact that there’s three Australians dressing up in Chicago Bulls outfits from around the era of the second three-peat and NO ONE is dressed as Luc Longley is a national travesty of biblical proportions. Boo.
4. Jaeger O’Meara – Gold Coast Suns
Continuing our run of sports-themed costumes here, we have Gold Coast young gun Jaeger O’Meara in a superb tribute to our favourite ocker, Nick “The Honey Badger” Cummins. Forget Batman and Bane in the background, the bickies will always go home with The Badge. Strewth!
3. Henry Schade & His Legend Mate – Gold Coast Suns
There’s nothing really more to add here. This is just a ripper costume done extremely well. Bravo, lads.
2. This Unidentified Melbourne Demons Player
Come on, this is just great. A little bit topical. Spectacularly pulled off. Additional props to really sell it. This Schapelle Corby fresh out of a Balinese jail would, on any other day, waltz into the top spot for costume of the day. But then comes along something like this…
1. Viv Michie – Melbourne Demons
God damn it, this is stunning. STUNNING. A Post-Glassing Redfoo? Give me a break. This wins every costume contest ever. Ferociously quick off the mark – he had all of four days to put this together – and just on the wrong (but very right) side of bad taste, it’s a top-to-toe belter. Bravo, Viv. You win.
‘Course it’s not always fun and games, with Melbourne officials now investigating what appears to be costumes of Rolf Harris and a little girl. But when the bar for not being as offensive as last year is set at “Don’t light a Dwarf Entertainer on fire” then what the hell do you expect?
Photos via Instagram.
