Saddle up, it’s Melbourne Cup time, the one day a year where we’re all racing experts and come together for THE RACE THAT STOPS A NATION. Whether you’re at an office lunch, Cup-themed client event, running the workplace sweetstakes, or just down the pub like always because you’re a degenerate gambler who can’t hold down a job, we’ll all be slacking off together!
The only thing I like more than a bandwagon is getting shitfaced having a civilised midweek drink with work colleges. While Melbournites can get started with a champagne breakfast care of the public holiday, the rest of us will have to wait at least until lunch time to kick-start the festivities. What better way to get your buzz on than with the 2012 Pedestrian Melbourne Cup Drinking Game!*
The rules are simple.
Take a drink:
Every time the commentary team cross to the celeb tents to interview a ‘star’ that coincidentally is currently staring in a show on the same network.
Any time the race caller says ”round the outside’.
Whenever the Emirates logo appears on screen.
Every time Bruce McAvaney refers to someone as delicious.
Take 1 shot:
Every time fashion commentators refer to ‘colour blocking’.
Any time the camera shows a Rugby League player in the tents.
– Double down if he’s urinating on a fellow guest.
If someone says ‘she’s a terrific filly’.
If Ronan Keating appears on camera.
When the fashion commentators do the Hats vs Fascinators conversation.
If celebrity guest Mischa Barton is described as an actress.
Finish your glass:
If celebrity guest Mischa Barton is described as a clothing designer.
Any time a guy holding a schooner is shown cheering drunkenly straight down the barrel of the flyover camera.
Commence a waterfall: (one person starts drinking then person next to them starts then the next and so on)
Whenever Tom Waterhouse talks about his Mum instead of offering relevant betting advice to viewers.
If a dude makes the finals of Fashion’s On The Field.
Buy a round:
Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall makes the finals of Fashion’s On The Field
If your horse bolts in the wrong direction or refuses to leave the gates.
Drink til you pass out:
If there’s a crowd shot of a girl passed out on the grass.
Pour one out:
If a horse falls over. That usually means they’ll shoot it.
*Pedestrian will not assume responsibility for any drunken insults you issue to your employers or inappropriate come-ons to your co-workers.
Picture by Cameron Spencer/Getty Images
