It’s That Time Of Year! Here’s Your *Official* State Of Origin Drinking Game

If you woke up this morning so fired up you could bash the sun, it’s with good reason. It’s State of Origin day. The reigniting of the greatest rivalry in Australian sports. The one date on the calendar bigger than the Grand Final. Where men become heroes, heroes become legends, and legends live forever.

The moment has arrived.

But how best to enjoy the glorious three game series? Here, in completely serious fashion and not at all put together for the purposes of humour, is your absolutely, completely and totally, one hundred-percent bona fide OFFICIAL State of Origin Drinking Game. MATE vs MATE. STATE vs STATE.

For Blues fans: Post about having the Shield on social media as much as you can before the game begins and it returns to disputed territory. Seriously. Use your time wisely, you might not have much of it. The last time you were able to do this it was via MySpace bulletins. Twitter wasn’t even a thing at that stage. Facebook still had the THE. Spam. That. Shit.

For Maroons fans: Load up the “Early Years” section on Greg Inglis‘ Wikipedia page and commence snide chortling. Feel free to throw in a few arrogant points towards it whilst facing your NSW brethren. This can re-commence later on with the inevitable appearance of the goanna crawl.

As soon as the whistle blows, all bets are off and the facade of friendliness and unity between states can rightfully dissolve. But until such time – particularly in the moments leading directly up to the game – it’s of the utmost importance to maintain diplomatic decorum. Acknowledge and welcome your rival fan. Wish them the best of luck for the upcoming battle. Earnetsly toast the contest to come. Wine is obviously best for this – sourced from your region of choice, of course.

Pre-game coverage is an absolute bore at the best of times – even more so when the broadcast is given extra time to “analyse” (read: tread water) before the teams walk out. Thus, the temptation to treat sport like an action movie is a lot higher in big games. Inevitably, some rogue director is going to want to go full Michael Bay and try a rotating panning shot around a stationary person. Y’know, the “Shit Just Got Real” shot. Like this.

When it happens – not if, when – have a good, hearty, full-blooded sip for the entire time the camera remains in motion. And for added measure, mutter the “shit just got real” line whenever the talking ceases. Trust us. It’ll be hilarious.

Rules are rules for a reason, both on the field and in real life. So whilst the gladiators on the field are put into the bin if they step out of line, so too must punishment be enforced by anyone in the room who wilfully commits a dog act.

So if a mate of yours fucks up during the game – whether they say something a bit off, spill a drink, break something, or generally act like a buffoon – then it’s time to put them into the bin. Figure out a suitable amount of time – 2 minutes, 5 minutes, or the full 10 – and give them the ole’ Edward Fortyhands treatment. Tape a pair of drinks to their hands, and give them the option – either wait until time expires, or finish both of them. The choice is theirs.

Spare a thought for Paul Gallen – the hero we all richly deserve, or the whinging, sniping dog (depending on which side of the Tweed Heads/Coolangatta line you sit). Regardless, the image of Gallen is more than likely going to figure prominently during his time on the Origin sidelines. So each time he appears, everyone pours a sip of whatever they’re drinking out for the injured warrior into a communal vessel. Those who back the losing team shall then consume the combined contents of said cup upon completion of the game. A hard drink for a hard man.

It’s a ratings bonanza for Channel Nine. So you absolutely know they’re going to be pimping out their product at every single possible opportunity. So whenever Nine place their product on the screen, place your product (drink) on your screen (face). If you’re game, take a swig for every single one of them. We’re talking all coming soons, all program bumpers, all voiceovers, all insets for Stan. Everything.

If you’re keeping things a little more on the timid side, maybe just have a quick sip every time the “all new” episode of Love Child is promoted. But even that might be a bit much.

This is as simple as it gets. You predict the outcome of a try conversion or penalty. Success means the ability to compel a mate to take a drink. Failure means you yourself are the swigging one. Basic. Neat. Simple.

Fights. They’re as much a part of Origin folklore as King Wally. When one breaks out, you drop everything you’re doing – EVERYTHING – and bray, holler, abuse, and generally do everything you can verbally to make the environment as hostile and threatening as possible. When the fight concludes, finish your drink in one go to soothe your now ratcheted up vocal chords.

If all that isn’t enough for you, we’ve compiled this list of quick and easy bonus rules that will push things over the edge to make Thursday at work/school/life particularly challenging.

• Drink for any and all butt taps of encouragement.
• Drink for any and all referee referrals.
• Drink for any and all commentary identified shitty referee calls.
• Drink for any and all hyperbolic comments about the “biggest game of their lives.”
• Drink when the MCG atmosphere in Game 2 exceeds Game 1.
• Drink double when a security guard pulls a Gordon Tallis impression and turns a streaker into Flat Stanley.

• Take eight sips when Queensland win back the Shield – one for every time in a row they’ll have it this time.