It’s that time of year again, where team loyalties are cast aside, and tribalism expands to state-wide levels. Where once were were fighting on the same side are now sworn enemies. It’s one of the biggest sporting events on the calendar. NRL State of Origin. Queensland vs New South Wales. Maroons vs Blues. State vs State. Mate vs Mate.
But what’s sporting competition without a set of guidelines to help sail you through the midweek excessive* drinking process? We here at Pedestrian.tv are more than happy to be your co-pilots on your journey through the sevens seas of rye whisky. Here is your one hundred percent, totally official**, guaranteed to get you to where you need to go, Origin 1 Drinking Game for 2014!
PRIOR TO THE START OF THE GAME
New South Wales fans should stand in reserved silence and allow Queensland fans to shout “QUEENSLANDER!” 8 times in a row, signifying the current Maroons winning streak. It will suck for Blues fans, but it’s only fair.
Before kick-off, and in the spirit of fair play (or, at least, to give the illusion of it) Queensland fans raise a XXXX, whilst NSW fans will try to ignore the fact that their boys are carrying Victoria Bitter logos on their chests and raise a Tooheys New to toast the forthcoming battle.
EVERYONE TAKES ONE DRINK EACH TIME
– Queensland score.
– New South Wales score.
– Ray Warren’s commentary makes you feel like you could PUNCH THE FACE OF GOD.
– Phil Gould’s commentary makes you feel like you could punch the face of Phil Gould.
NEW SOUTH WALES FANS TAKE ONE DRINK EACH TIME
– Greg Inglis does something that makes you bitch about how he should be a Blue.
– Laurie Daley is shown and even the smallest part of you kind of wishes it was Ricky Stuart.
– Paul Gallen leads from the front and displays the kind of intestinal fortitude that New South Wales Origin is known for.
QUEENSLAND FANS TAKE ONE DRINK EACH TIME
– Greg Inglis does something that makes you glad you broke the rules to put him in Maroon.
– Mal Meninga is shown and you cannot locate his neck.
– Paul Gallen acts like a complete tosser.
EVERYONE TAKES TWO DRINKS EACH TIME
– Fights. It’s inevitable. It’s what makes State of Origin great. Bray and hoot and holler and enjoy the kind of unregulated violence that’s only legally permissible in this kind of arena. One drink at the start, another at the conclusion.
ADD AN ADDITIONAL DRINK IF…
– During said fight, someone pulls off something more spectacularly brutal than Michael Jennings’ Superman Punch of 2012.
A LONG, SLOW, DISAPPROVING SWIG IF…
– The refs make a bad call.
– The refs make any call.
– The refs call for a needlessly lengthy score review.
– The refs do anything. Anything at all. Move, talk, whatever. Anything. Drink.
FINISH YOUR DRINK IF…
– A “dog act” is perpetrated, and is agreed to be a dog act by a two-thirds majority of the room.
– A streaker interrupts the game again.
– A streaker shows more athletic ability than any prop on the field.
FINISH YOUR DRINK WHEN…
– New South Wales lose. Because it’s definitely going to happen.
Photo: Scott Barbour via Getty Images
*Please drink responsibly.
**Probably not officially endorsed by anyone with the power to do so.
