Nothing is worse than exchanging saliva with a partner whose trap smells like it’s been invaded by a 12-strong pack of elderly street cats suffering aggressive IBS.
At least with existing sexual partners you’re (hopefully) in a position to tell ’em to get all Colgate on that bitch, but for one-off rendezvous, it’s an extremely awkward request to make.
jfc can u pls sort your breath out b4 I spew on your genitals lol.
One of the worst breath situations arises upon the conclusion of a Friday / Saturday night. You’ve been punching them durries, consuming hard liquor so strong it brings a tear to your eye, and have capped the whole thing off with an onion-laden kebab ft. garlic sauce.
Yo’ shit STANKY.
This can cause an issue when you’ve picked up an offensively attractive random during your drunken escapades – y’know, someone your inebriated-self plans on humping ’til kingdom-cum.
It’s only natural then to want to give your pearly whites a good ol’ scrub before chowing-down on their succulent clam-flesh / kransky sausage. You wouldn’t want to make a terrible first impression now, would you?
On the flip side of this, it makes sense that you’d want to give your mouth a thorough clean after subjecting it to a coating of his love juice / her oyster-like excretions.
Unfortunately, good people of the internet, we’re obliged to tell you that brushing or flossing after oral sex is a ‘ugeeeeee no-no.
We’ve all experienced that small amount of bleeding when brushing or flossing (if your gums are frequently bleeding heavily then you should probs get your damn-fine ass to a dentist ASAP), and therein lies the problem.The small cuts and abrasions that occur when you practice a high-level of oral hygiene provide the perfect scenario for an STI exchange between you and your one-nighter.
“It is possible to transmit (catch or pass on) many sexually transmitted infections through oral sex without a condom,” says sex education website Open Door.
“Do not clean your teeth, floss, use mouthwash, eat food such as toast or crisps just before, or just after, having oral sex. This is because all these can cause small cuts in your mouth, making it easier for infection to pass from one person to another.”
FUCK OUR LIVES, RIGHT?! Not only are we going to have bad breath / furry AF teeth before and after going down on someone, our food choices before and after are limited as well.
how I react when some1 tells me I can’t eat sumthing pre-intercourse:
Is having unprotected oral sex before or after brushing your teeth really that big of a deal though? Well, yeah, kinda – but not nearly as much as unprotected vaginal or anal sex. Here’s Open Door again:
“Infections such as chlamydia, herpes, hepatitis A and hepatitis B, syphilis, gonorrhoea and HIV can all be transmitted via unprotected oral sex, though it is a less common way of catching them than through vaginal or anal sex.
“If you have open sores on the genitals and you are receiving oral sex, or open sores or bleeding gums and are giving oral sex, there is an increased risk of transmitting infections.”
The website also advises spitting or swallowing semen as quickly as possible from your mouth, and to always rinse your mouth out with plain water after performing an oral sex act.
In short: hit up the gum, fam. It’s your best bet at reducing the likelihood of contracting orally-transmittable STIs if you’re opting not to use protection. Like, would you prefer to be slightly embarrassed over pongy breath, or have to make that call to your bestie to tell them you’ve got the clap from dining at the cock buffet too frequently?
If this information has been in any way eye-opening, then odds are you’ve got a couple of large gaps in your sexual knowledge. Make sure you’re up to date with how rooting randoms (which we fully endorse assuming it’s mutually agreed upon, ’cause who doesn’t love a hot ‘n heavy one with someone whose name you’ve forgotten) could be passing on nasties. AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME TO NOT BE GETTIN SOME 24/7.
Sites like Play Safe (which you can check out HERE) are a great resource for being clued-in on sexual health.
Additionally, get yourself fucking checked out once in a while. No one wants to have to get Stacy – your best mate’s cousin who you boned after his wedding and never spoke to again – on the blower to let her know she’s probably caught something hella nasty off your dick. STI checks are free at sexual health clinics (of which there are plenty) and painless.
GOOD LUCK NOT GETTING STIs EVERYONE
Photo: Bring It On.