Instagram’s like-react-a-story feature is killing the hoes. Bottom line, cut and dry. Wounding hoe-mosexual culture. Crippling the heter-hoesexuals. My hot girl summer is ruined… and I hope Instagram is happy.
What the fuck am I talking about? This putrid new feature that has dismantled the very idea of “sliding into the DMs.”
See that smug fucker in the bottom right corner over there? Do you see him??
Yeah. That lil’ bitchini is a brand new feature from Instagram which allows you to like someone’s story without starting a text conversation with them.
You fools! That was the whole damn point. I want to be starting conversations with people, but most of all I want them to be starting conversations with ME.
Giving people this cursed little heart allows them to fling love reacts your way without limit. It no longer forces the shy guys watching your story to send a react message to you. Instagram, the shy guys are the HOTTEST ones. What the fuck. You’re scaring the hoes.
How the fuck am I supposed to flirt with people now? Like this?
I’ll be caught dead before I ever fling someone a heart react. It’s ghastly. It’s disturbing. It’s rotten.
Let me show you how it looks. Not to brag or anything, but a recent post of mine got about three likes. Yeah, you could say I’m hot as shit on the grammy grams.
See this? No conversation in sight. Just three people removing themselves from having to talk to you by sending their regards at an arm’s length.
It feels like receiving a birthday card with the wrong age on it. The thought was there, sure. Thanks for the card, I guess? But this doesn’t feel right.
Instagram is a hotbed of hoe activity when used in the right ways, but I fear that this little love heart will ruin many a future couple. Or even just a hookup.
I met my damn boyfriend after he slid into my DMs responding to a story. Imagine if he sent a like react and moved on? What the fuck Instagram.