Good morning friends and (hopefully not) family, today I have a bone to pick with every single person who uses the close friends feature on Instagram incorrectly. How do I define an incorrect use of the close friends story? Well, first of all, you know damn well I shouldn’t be seeing any pictures of books or food.
When I gaze into the eyes of that cursed green circle, I expect to see one of three things. You doing something utterly outrageous either in a club or with your friends, a tasteful nude, or you ranting about something / having a breakdown.
Close friends circles are supposed to be for things that nobody else can see, only the trustworthy. Snitches don’t get welcomed into the luxurious halls of a close friends list, this isn’t a place for just anybody now.
Half the time, close friends lists are dedicated to just nude pictures of yourself, and the members list is a bunch of suitors who you wish would sweep you off your feet. It is NOT, under any circumstances, an excuse for you to post pictures of your breakfast.
a lil sneak peek into what my close friends stories are like pic.twitter.com/TLqHxG1e9q
— gracie ???? (@degracie_) July 6, 2021
Who on Earth are you hiding your smashed avocado on rye from? Why was this a picture that not everyone who follows you can see? Or why are you taking an artsy picture of Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston and putting it up for a limited amount of people? Who cannot see this? Who are you keeping this from???
My point is, there’s a certain purpose for the close friends list that simply calls for the unhinged. The unclothed. The unnecessarily stupid. I want to hear your opinions on the burning of the Library of Alexandria, I want to see promo pics for your OF account. What I do not want to see, and what nobody wants to see, is your lunch.
*clicking on an instagram close friends story* i wonder if this is a nude or a mental breakdown
— ~stuart~ (@stuartfdrake) July 11, 2021
I get sooooo confused about some of the close friends stories that I’m on lol
— ari (@arianaesacco) July 10, 2021
Getting added to a close friends list is a symbol of trust. It isn’t necessarily a sign that somebody likes you, but a sign that somebody trusts you fully with whatever they’re about to post. It’s like getting an invitation to the behind-the-scenes shooting of a blockbuster movie, without the NDA’s.
Win, win if you ask me.
The question I have then is, why have you added me into this private list, when I barely know you, and all you’re letting me see there is pictures of books and food? This is normal content for everyone to see. You have misused my trust. You have misunderstood the assignment, my love. You have wounded me.
I’m always flattered when a random does add me to their close friends, because I feel like our bond grows stronger through what we let each other see on Instagram, but posting pics of day-to-day activities is just plain insulting.
Share something exciting! Share an opinion that is bold and daring! Let your close ones in.
When unexpected people add me to their close friends story it just makes me feel like damn u think about me that way that’s cute af love u too babe
— Tiffany Sachs (@Tiffanysachs) July 6, 2021
i don’t even come out to people i just add them to my close friends story and call it a day. Thank u
— myles ✿ | SLING (@softlyreprise) July 11, 2021
Basically, my message is this: if you have a close friends list, think about what you’re making your followers endure.
Don’t put them through pictures of plants and books, give them something more exciting! You’re a fun person, and this list is waiting to peer into your life and feel closer to you. Treat them better, because they love and trust you.
I’m not saying start posting nudes. I’m saying stop posting banana bread. Please. For the love of all that is good and holy. That’s enough Dillon.Image: Getty Images / I.S.S Photography