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Dick (short for schlong) Smith is putting the electronics behind and bringing out the cock and balls. Finally, a business endeavour that bottoms can literally get behind.

When One Nation supporter Dick Smith‘s store isn’t disappearing into obscurity with its bloody bonkers prices, it’s peddling penis. Pushing primo meat candle. Stockin’ up on cock.

Yes my friends it’s time to wrap your head around the *ahem* 66Cm 26 Inch FAAK Dildo Dong Colour Rubber Sex Toy 15.5Cm Thick Butt Plug. Except maybe don’t actually wrap your head around it because you will die.

dick smith dildo dong
is that a doll holding a dildo…?

This fuck-off (literally) massive super schlong is the latest addition to Dick Smith’s online store. If you were looking to fill that void in your little shopper’s heart, now you can! And then some!

“Thick dildos are a must-have in your collection,” reads the item description.

Yeah, thick enough to hit the spot, not to push my large intestine around my lungs.

“Made of hospital grade adult toy rubber which is safe and realistic in feel. Use as an anal butt plug or dildo dong.”

I have no idea why they call it dildo dong and not just dildo, but I vibe it. I feel it in my… fuck never mind.

If you were wondering what a FAAK dildo is, it’s a Chinese brand of sex toys. I could link you to the store but you know how google works.

Personally, I’m concerned about how this particular FAAK dildo is 15.5cm WIDE. Now, mama ain’t raise no bitch, but this is one challenge that I’d rather not sit on.

The best part is, there are more weird and whacky dildos on offer. You can try the curved FAAK, the “health material” FAAK that looks oddly like a flesh cucumber or the weird alien egg pedestal that some fucko expects me to put in my colon.

Anyway, I’m sure there’s only so much you can read one homosexual man talk about DICK Smith and their range of obscure dildos. Stay safe out there friends and for the love of all that is holy, please use lube!