Congrats! You downloaded Tinder, you saw, you swiped, you messaged and now you’re going on a god damned date.
If you think the hard yards are behind you, think again. Selecting a venue for this integral first meet up is a tricky business. Go somewhere too loud and you won’t be able to hear your potential lover’s sweet mutterings. Go somewhere too quiet and they’ll probably be able to hear you chew and instantaneously hate you.
Quite like the game of love, picking a venue is a battlefield: so here’s our guide to choosing the perfect venue for that Tinder date.
It’s the first date, not the 23rd anniversary, so lay off the Lobster Cave, will ya?
But seriously, it’s best not to go somewhere too overtly lavish on the first date. If you stretch your budget and go mega fancy for the first meet up, the second will only be a sorry disappointment.
Further to this, you might turn up and find that you actually don’t want to be having dinner with this person at all, and will have to endure a four-course fuck around that will hurt your soul even more than your wallet.
Pick a laid back pub with a certified good vibe (as in, go somewhere you’ve been before so you know the carpet doesn’t smell like piss). It’ll take the pressure off.
Extra points if you pick a place with a sunny beer garden. Gotta get the (vitamin) D somehow.
But don’t go to your bloody local
This shouldn’t even need to be said, but let’s be clear: going to your local for a first date is the Russian roulette move of the century.
Chances are, you probably know the staff, and if they like you enough, they’ll probably hang shit on you for your outfit / general date demeanour for many months afterwards.
Plus, you’ve gotta remember this new person you’re taking on a date might turn out to be a total punish. If you show them where you always like to go and you end up being not so into them, there’s a chance they’ll turn up at a later date unannounced and ruin your happy place.
Save the blessed local for the third date onwards, when you know they’re a keeper.
Go somewhere cool but not too cool
Going somewhere with a happening vibe and big energy can make a date feel really magic. It’s busy, there are people everywhere, and it’s just you two, learning about each other. But it can also be really stressful.
It’s best not to go anywhere you need to line up for. Lining up and waiting when you’ve just met is unnecessarily awkward.
Not all places are like this, but a lot of ‘hot’ places often have ‘hot’ staff who are too ‘hot’ to be friendly. Exclusive bars and restaurants have a reputation to uphold, and sometimes that can make people feel inadequate and/or uncomfortable.
Save yourself from this unpleasant situation and go somewhere a little more relaxed.
Don’t go to the bar you and your ex always went to
That is all.
Be close to public transport
While we hope your date goes swimmingly, there’s a chance it won’t. And in that case, you wanna be able to hot step the fuk outta there as painlessly as possible.
Pick somewhere near a train so you’ve got an escape route. That way, if you wanna go meet up with your friends, you’ll have a direct route to a better time.
Of course, this works in conjunction with the old ‘I have plans after this date’ excuse, so make sure you mention that to round off the well-planned escape.
Go rogue… go bowling
Nothing says “I love fun!” quite like bowling. The balls will give you something to do with your hands, and the competition element could reveal your date’s true colours.
Throw in a spot of laser skirmish and you have a day somehow more exciting than your 10th birthday.
Not a drinker? Hit the park
It’s summer! We’re in Australia! Parks abound!
Park dates are great, especially if you don’t drink and find pubs a bore. You can bring your dog, giving you something to talk about straight off the bat. You can bring some cheese; potentially a few grapes depending on budget.
The other benefit of meeting someone in a park is that you can say you’re going to go look at a bird in a tree and then run away if you don’t like the person.
Of course, if none of those options feel right… there’s always one place where the vibe is happy, the food is cheap and the fries crispy… and that’s McDonalds.
Lap up the single life and explore your options by entering to become Tinder’s Profile Of The Month here.