Someone Adopt This Man-Hating, Children-Hating, Neurotic, Spawn Of Satan Chihuahua Immediately

Someone please buy this god-forsaken chihuahua. If not for the chihuahua itself, do it for the amazing adoption description its foster owner wrote.

Tyfanee Fortuna has been trying to sell her little Prancer for yonks, but no one seems to want to buy the little gremlin. Fortuna then thought the only way to sell the evil pooch was with a brutally honest description, and by god! It’s good.

Fortuna took to Facebook with her plea, and described Prancer as a “neurotic, man hating, animal hating, children hating” dog. Sounds like my kind of dog TBH.

“Prancer came to me obese, wearing a cashmere sweater, with a bacon egg ‘n’ cheese stuffed in his crate with him. I should have known in that moment this dog would be a problem,” Fortuna wrote on Facebook.

“Prancer only likes women. Nothing else. He hates men more than women do, which says a lot. If you have a husband don’t bother applying, unless you hate him.”

Again, this pooch sounds perfect for me.

Our copy-writing queen also quoted that episode of The Office where Toby has his exit interview.

“But you know that episode of The Office where Michael Scott silently whispers “I’ll kill you.” to Toby? That’s Prancer having to begrudgingly coexist with everyone when I’m around,” she said.

However, Fortuna has reassured us that Prancer does in fact have some positive traits.

“He is loyal beyond belief, although to tell you a secret his complex is really just a facade for his fear,” she added.

“He also ‘smiles’ when he is excited.”

i really hope prancer the chihuahua finds his forever home i love you sweet devil prince

— silly 🕊️ (@picantemami) April 10, 2021

Someone needs to give this woman a job writing copy for a pet adoption agency, because her description was utterly brilliant.

Well, that may actually may be happening. A writer for SNL actually reached out to her to compliment her writing and OMG go off sis.

Unfortunately Prancer is only available through the Second Chance Pet Adoption League in New Jersey. But I’m sure some lil’ old lady or single millennial would love to own a chihuahua described as a “haunted Victorian child in the body of a small dog.”