In news that has absolutely sent me this spooky season, the owners of the literal Amityville Horror House (yep, *that* one with all the murders) have taken it upon themselves to decorate for Halloween.
I am obsessed with this half-assed attempt at being festive for spooky season. They could’ve gone all out with some quality decor, or they could’ve just kept it simple and embraced the natural spook value of the property. But nope. They opted for some plastic ghosts and fake spiderwebs. ICONIC.
The house, which was the scene of six grisly murders in 1974, has been jazzed up with some cheapo decorations that look like you picked them up at your local $2 store. You know, because the house wasn’t already cursed enough.
nothing could make the sight of brutal murder scarier than a quick run to a spirit halloween store
— pj evans (@pjayevans) October 12, 2020
For those of you unfamiliar with the true story behind the infamous horror films, the Amityville Horror House, located at 112 Ocean Avenue, is basically a big, giant nope from me.
Back on November 13, 1974, Ronald DeFeo Jr. shot and killed six members of his family inside the house, being convicted of second-degree murder the following year.
Following the murders, a new family moved into the house, only to yeet themselves the heck out of there 28 days later, claiming to be terrorised by ghosts and paranormal activity during their stay. Honestly, I applaud their dedication to saying for nearly a whole month because I would’ve been out of there after day one.
But rather than letting the irl spooky vibes of the property (which should honestly just be burnt down at this point) speak for itself, the owners have chucked some faux spider webs on the hedges and some tacky-yet-terrifying ghost statues on the front lawn. You know, for ~spooky~ vibes.
Honestly, you have to applaud the dedication to turning a real life nightmare into the tackiest, most mediocre Halloween experience of all time.
I imagine a real ghost answers the door in his pyjamas, tells the kids to fuck off and hands them a really cheap chocolate bar that tastes like cardboard.
Oh, to be a spooky plastic ghost in the front yard of the Amityville Horror House.Image: Twitter / pjevans