You’ve Been Clocking Yoshi Squarely In The Back Of The Head This Whole Time

You monster. You absolute scum.

Do you KNOW what you’ve been doing this whole time you’ve been playing as Mario in Super Mario World? DO YOU?

You have been punching your best friend Yoshi in the head this whole time.

What, did you think that when you pressed the ‘B’ button to make Yoshi stick his tongue out that Mario was just politely gesturing? That he was just slightly rubbing the side of Yoshi’s head and he was kindly responding? Are you that fucking stupid? Jesus.

Think I’m making this up dickweed? The fucking CREATORS of the game, Director Takashi Tezuka and Character Designer Shigefumi Hino, admitted so in an interview yesterday:

Lots of people think that while Mario is pointing his finger foreward, he’s saying ‘Go,’ and Yoshi’s tongue comes out. However, the set up that I drew was that when Mario punches Yoshi in the head, the character’s tongue shoots out in surprise.

You were straight up, closed fist, slogging your sweet dino friend squarely in the back of his beautiful green little head. You were assaulting him. Your best friend. Over and over and over again.

Look into his eyes. LOOK AT HIM.

And for what?!? So he could eat a fucking piece of fruit? So he could assist your progress through the game by devouring your enemies. Look at this gif and tell me you didn’t know what you were doing.

You knew EXACTLY what you were doing. You sick piece of shit, I can barely look at you.

You clocked precious, innocent Yoshi in the back of his skull, repeatedly. For years.

Get out of my sight.