Whoever Invented These Extremely Petty Milk Locks Deserves To Be Dacked

First off, it is absolutely ok to label items that go into a work or office fridge. Totally a-ok. You bought the special milk because it’s the one that doesn’t upset your stomach too much. It costs a bit extra. That shit is not communal. Absolutely smash your name on there and let everyone know it’s not for common hands.

It is not ok, however, to take your level of petty hoarding to the point of securing your < $5 bottle of liquid with the kind of security reserved for a very good bike or the Oscars votes.
Take, for example, the clear miserable bastards (and people most likely to proudly declare “Hump Day” with infuriating regularity) who concocted these ungodly contraptions, in a photo posted to Twitter late yesterday that has subsequently done severe numbers.

Milk locks.

Milk locks.
A lock for your milk.
As in “Hey mate, mind if I pinch a splash of milk?” “Yeah no worries, just let me grab the key first.”
So many questions about this Hall of Fame-level of pettiness.
What happened to escalate the situation to such ridiculous heights?
Is there an unusual amount of pedantic, passive aggressive bastardry naturally plaguing that workspace?
Was there a rogue milk demon, brazenly pouring out milk not bought by their own hand in a show of 9 to 5 dominance?
Why hasn’t anyone tipped the fucking thing upside down and spiked a hole in the bottom yet?
It’s just milk for the love of god. Unless you’re baking cakes on your lunch breaks, suck it the hell up.

Source: Twitter.
Photo: Kevin Antony/Twitter.